


All Ninja Need Love

by B_Rated



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drama, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-09-30 07:22:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10157339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Rated/pseuds/B_Rated
Summary: Iruka and Kakashi's secret relationship has been going on for years. Iruka has been quietly consoling the jonin in his bed tragedy after tragedy but this one's a big one and Kakashi's ready to admit his real feelings.





	1. Secret Selves

"Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka stopped in his tracks, pulling the pre-genin's written assignments to his chest to keep from spilling them.

The sudden rain had caused a cancellation of field practice for Iruka's students, which meant he was going to be grading late into the night, again.

Kakashi didn't move back from the point where they had almost collided in the doorway to the chunin's classroom.

Iruka looked down at the umbrella in his hand. "I was just leaving."

"Can I walk you home, sensei?"

Iruka blinked. He looked at the papers in his arm, and then out the classroom window at the rain. "If you carry the umbrella."

Kakashi silently held out his hand to take the black umbrella from Iruka.

They walked quietly down the village street. A young boy ran past, caught in the rain between two places. Iruka smiled. "How's Naruto's training going?"

Kakashi's face was blank, his grey eye emotionless. "We had to cancel training today."

Iruka looked up, beyond the umbrella, "I never knew rain to stop Naruto."

Kakashi's eye moved to him and then back to the road. "It's not because of the rain, sensei."

_"So something happened."_ Iruka went quiet again, glancing occasionally at the other people on the street, wondering what they thought about the pair walking past.

Kakashi seemed focused on putting one foot in front of the other, his free hand lazily tucked in his pocket, all thought about getting to Iruka's door.

Iruka found his key, rolling it between his fingers for a moment. "It's cold, sensei, would you like to come in for tea?"

Kakashi gave the smallest nod.

Iruka unlocked the door and stepped inside, toeing off his shoes, as Kakashi closed the umbrella and followed him in.

As soon as the door was closed, the wet umbrella hit the floor without care, and Iruka found himself pressed against the wall of his hallway, the papers falling around them with a thousand flutters.

Iruka's hands flew into silver hair, finding the knot of his hitai-ate. Normally, he'd be furious enough to demand Kakashi pick up every paper, but this wasn't normal. Nothing about this was.

Iruka couldn't remember how they got here.

In his bed, shedding clothes, mouths crashing, hands roaming.

Iruka knew better than to ask why this was happening. That would come later.

Everyone thought Kakashi Hatake was a mystery, quiet and strong, an emotionless, analytical soldier. That wasn't true at all. To Iruka he was as high strung as a child with a temper tantrum. In private Kakashi was a needy, desperate soul clutching to whatever human interaction he could get.

So Iruka gave it to him. He gave himself to him.

"Been awhile?" Kakashi asked kindly.

"You were the last," Iruka answered truthfully.

Kakashi smiled and lowered himself to Iruka's ear, kissing his jaw and neck. "I'll start slow then."

Iruka's head flew back with a gasp. His fingers dug into the jonin's shoulders. Kakashi's tongue swept across the skin at the bend of a tan neck in apology before sucking softly.

"Kashi," Iruka panted, pushing back against the stronger man's movements, urging him on. Kakashi's thrusts grew faster, their breath coming out in hard pants and quiet moans. Their bodies sweating and moving against one another in rough desperation.

Iruka's hands slid down, holding Kakashi's arms, squeezing the muscles underneath his skin. He moaned loudly dropping his head back again as Kakashi found the perfect angle for their hips.

Kakashi raised his head and stared down with mismatched eyes.

_"How long had he been using the sharingan?"_ He reached up, grabbing the back of his head and a fistful of silver hair, pulling him down, lips crashing together.

Both of Kakashi's eyes slid closed, their tongues moving against each other between breathy moans. Kakashi laid his forehead over Iruka's, the two panting together. His arm slid under tan shoulders, holding the warm body even closer, his other hand snaking down between them.

Both of them moaned into completion.

Kakashi's head moved down, dropping onto Iruka's shoulder, his body trembling as he let out a sob.

Iruka quickly untangled himself as much as he could. He wrapped his arms around the pale body and stoked his hair gently.

_"Someone's died."_ The last time he'd seen the jonin like this was after he'd lost a fellow veteran ANBU member he hadn't seen in years.

This was more urgent though. Someone who meant more to him.

Iruka craned his neck to kiss a temple covered in silver hair. "I'm here," he said quietly.

Kakashi relaxed, sprawling over him. "As- Asuma…"

Iruka gasped in shock, and quickly held Kakashi tighter. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's okay, Kashi, I'm here."

How was Iruka going to grade those papers tonight?

Eventually Kakashi took a deep breath and buried his face in Iruka's neck. The academy instructor was still absent-mindedly stroking his hair. They were still and quiet. Iruka was staring up at his ceiling. Maybe after Kakashi fell asleep he could sneak downstairs and grade the papers with some time left to get some sleep himself.

If he couldn't get through them tonight he'd have to apologize to his students and look so disorganized and unprofessional. No, they needed to be graded tonight.

"I love you." Kakashi's voice was hoarse and quiet, barely above a whisper, but in the silence of the bedroom it was as clear as if he'd shouted.

Iruka paused, his hand stopped moving in the jonin's hair for just a second before he smiled. "You said that last time." It had been more shocking before and Iruka had had the stupidity to hope the words true only to find his bed empty by the time he came back from the bathroom.

Kakashi was too emotionally unpredictable. He might feel that way right now, but in an hour?

"I meant it then too," Kakashi said, his face still buried in Iruka's shoulder.

Iruka didn't want to dismiss him, or belittle him. Kakashi might love him, right now, but tomorrow, in a week, in a month? He was a very guarded man, he didn't open up to others emotionally, even now with Iruka, it was only after a tragedy he couldn't digest on his own. Iruka was a coping mechanism, a warm body to exhaust him and comfort him in secret.

Kakashi could love him, but Iruka would never know it until another moment like this one.

So Iruka held his tongue.

"You think I'm lying?" Kakashi raised his head to look at the man underneath him.

"No," Iruka answered. He didn't say anything else. His arm fell to his side.

Kakashi's grey eye looked over Iruka's face. "I love you," he said again.

Iruka tried hard to keep his face blank, knowing that Kakashi wasn't just looking at him, he was watching him, even with his sharingan eye closed.

"I heard you," he replied calmly. He wouldn't get hurt this time. He wouldn't let the slick talking jonin work up his heart into a hopeless romantic's wet dream and then completely break him in a matter of hours.

"Iruka," Kakashi said quietly. It sounded like there was more he wanted to say.

Iruka just stared at the beauty mark on his chin. He reached his hand up to touch the jaw usually hidden by the copy-nin's mask. "I know."

Kakashi dropped down catching Iruka's mouth again. If the kiss was meant to be gentle, it wasn't. Kakashi's tongue moved almost desperately against Iruka's, willing him to believe him.

To Iruka this was just further evidence to keep himself guarded from the jonin emotionally.

He knew Kakashi needed him, not all the time, just in sporadic moments of heartache. That was okay with him, but to pretend this was anything else did them both a disservice.

Iruka was vaguely aware it was four in the morning when he was finally able to untangle himself from the sleeping Kakashi. He made his way to the bathroom to clean himself up some before walking downstairs in his boxers and a sleeveless undershirt.

He sighed looking at the mess in his hall, bending down to collect all his students' papers and place the umbrella in the stand by the door.

He walked into his kitchen, turning on the light, wincing for a second, and sat down at the table. Maybe he could get through them fast enough, he'd just have to grade harsher than he had intended to.

He reached the last paper as he heard his alarm clock ringing upstairs. With a sigh and a great deal of effort he lifted his tired body from his chair and up the stairs.

He tried hard to prepare himself when he opened his bedroom door, but his heart still sank to see his bed empty.

He turned off the alarm and left to go shower and get ready for work. He wondered if Kakashi was going back to help Naruto with training, or maybe Asuma's funeral was today. Wherever the jonin was, it wasn't Iruka's concern.

His problem now was facing his students without any sleep.


	2. The Gates

"Iruka-sensei." Iruka looked up from his task of locking the door to the mission's room. Tonight he had volunteered to close up so the other chunin could go home early. It had been a fairly uneventful night.

When he saw who it was that called his name he smiled kindly. "Can I help you, Kakashi-san?"

"Are you leaving, sensei?"

Iruka nodded.

"Could I join you on your walk home?"

"Why not," Iruka said friendly enough. Then he noticed the bandages. "What happened to your arm, sensei?" Iruka asked while they walked through the halls of the Hokage's tower.

"Ma, it's nothing," he dismissed. "Just a training accident."

"With Naruto?" Iruka asked, "Is his new jutsu so dangerous?"

"No, no. Don't worry about him, sensei." Kakashi waved off.

They were quiet as they walked down the village street. The sun was setting and a few people were out buying from the shops or walking home.

Iruka's eyes caught a young couple walking past them. Her arm was linked with his, holding a bouquet of flowers. They were both smiling and blushing with nerves.

He looked back at Kakashi, his half-lidded grey eye watching the street, seeming as though not to notice anything, his hands in his pockets as he lazily strolled along. His visible eye suddenly landed on Iruka, "is that what you want, sensei?"

Iruka felt his face get warm and he quickly looked at his feet. "Of course not."

He imagined Kakashi bringing him flowers and walking down the street hand in hand, just the thought made him embarrassed.

When he reached his door he didn't fiddle with the key. "Would you like to come in for tea?" He assumed Kakashi was there for a purpose, seeing as he always was.

"No, thank-you, sensei. Good-night," he turned and walked away with a wave and a false smile behind his mask.

Iruka watched him go. The air was too tense and Kakashi too distant. _"Why would he walk me home and not go in?"_ Iruka asked himself. "He's planning something stupid," he thought out loud. He had to warn the Hokage.

He wasn't sure what time it was but it was late. The entire village was asleep when the Hokage caught the three chunin at the gates.

Iruka was quiet, listening to her scold his former students. How could they act so foolish? Vengeance was a selfish and childish thing. 

He looked across the gate, seeing the copy-nin on the other side. They stood there, listening to Shikamaru out of sight, not knowing anyone else was there. 

'Don't' was all Iruka could mouth. He knew Kakashi could read his lips, even from their current distance. 

The jonin just looked at him sadly before stepping out to the Hokage. "I'll be their fourth." 

_"No!"_ This was foolish, this is how shinobi got killed. Iruka's heart broke. It was worse than finding his bed empty the first time Kakashi had claimed to love him. Now again. If he could say it so easily why couldn't he act like it? 

After the new team left the Hokage looked at Iruka as she passed. She didn't say anything, didn't have to, she was mad about the situation but thankful for Iruka's help. 

Again Iruka had to face his class without any sleep. It wouldn't be for too long though. Kakashi was gone on his vengeance mission so he wouldn't have to be anyone's source of comfort for a while. 

He really hoped the best for his former students and Kakashi. He wanted them to come back safely and wished they'd be smart enough to retreat instead of pursuing for wanton revenge if it came to that. Their lives were too destined to perish in such stupidity. 

At the same time he knew that if they succeeded their mourning could come to a healthy closure and Kakashi would be done seeking him out until he was hurt again. 

Iruka leaned back in his chair at his desk and looked out the window at the clouds lazily gliding across the sky. He closed his eyes and thought of Shikamaru. His former student's loss was a pain all too familiar to Iruka. Maybe that's why he let the silver-haired jonin use him like he did. 

He straightened up again, putting on a smile and got up to go to the chalk board to write out the next assignment for his students when they came back from their lunch. 

Smiling wasn't hard for Iruka. He learned a long time ago how to do it correctly. 

After his students were dismissed he waited in the yard, watching as parents came to collect their aspiring ninja and take them home. For a few minutes his smile was genuine. Seeing the love and care the young children had, he was happy for them. Every child should know that feeling, being safe and protected and loved. 

He thought of Naruto, looking off at the swing in the yard. When he came home again he'd take him for ramen. 

As he walked down the streets towards the Hokage tower to report for his missions room shift he thought of Kakashi again. 

The missions room was its usual balance of chaotic and quiet. The other ninja in the room were occupied with filing, writing, and reading, reports. The chatter, if there was any, was concerning work and the weekend, training and past missions. Iruka liked being in such an environment. 

After spending so much time with his students it felt good to be in a room with adults. He enjoyed people's company, talking to his comrades, hearing more than whines and complaints from pre-genin. 

He was in the middle of reading over a report, it was fairly dry, a D-ranked mission completed by a team of genin. To him, though, it was like reading the growth of his former students, just a few months ago they could barely hit a target. 

The door opened to the room with an almost urgent rush. "Iruka-sensei," Shizune's eyes met his from across the room, "Lady Hokage summons you." 

Iruka blinked, regained himself and nodded quickly. He stood from his desk, leaving behind his paper work to follow Shizune. 

They walked without a word towards the Hokage's office. Shizune knocked before opening the door and leading them inside. She picked up Ton-ton from the spot where the snoring pig had fallen asleep at the Hokage's feet and stood beside the desk. 

Tsunade was writing, and by the looks of it, it was something of importance. Iruka stood there, waiting. He had been called here for a reason, he'd find out soon enough. 

Finally the Hokage finished whatever she was working on and set her brush aside. "Iruka, you are one of the village's finest teachers," she praised, "you've taught many great ninja how to throw their first kunai." 

"I- Thank you," Iruka couldn't stop his blush. He closed his eyes and smiled, touching the scar on his nose nervously. He really was just a humble academy instructor, being recognized by the Hokage was an honor. 

"But, I did not call you here to talk about your teaching skills." She rested her chin on her interlaced fingers. 

Iruka dropped his hand to his side and looked back at his leader, waiting. 

"How did you know what your former students were planning?" 

So that's what this was about. Iruka wasn't about to lie to the fifth Hokage but he had found himself in a very difficult position. 

"I didn't know they were planning anything," he answered honestly. 

"That's right," Tsunade said, "you warned me about Kakashi." 

She had seen through his words. He waited tensely for the following question. 

"How did you know Kakashi was planning something?" 

Iruka looked at Shizune. She seemed just as tense, staring at Iruka, hoping he'd say the right thing. He looked at the floor, thinking. 

"Were you a co-conspirer? No, from what I gathered you and Asuma weren't friends. Did he tell you? No, no one gets the impression you two are that close. So tell me, Iruka-sensei, how is it you can read one of the village's most elite jonin?" 

He was a humble academy instructor after all. 

Tsunade looked at him, stared, a loyal chunin would have spilt his guts by now. 

Iruka sighed. He had to be honest and suffer the consequences. He still could not bring himself to look up though. "I- Kakashi-" saying his name hurt. He was holding this secret for him and now he had to tell it. He felt like he was betraying him. "We- We're not friends no," Iruka answered, "but we do spend some time together… alone." 

Iruka didn't have to look up to know there was a look of shock on Shizune's face and a grimace on the Hokage's. 

Tsunade's eyes were closed, her brow furrowed. "You're lovers?" 

Iruka felt his face getting hot with embarrassment. He wanted to shrink down into the floorboards and never be seen again. "N-no. Well, I wouldn't use that word," he shared awkwardly. 

"I didn't know Kakashi-san preferred men," Shizune said quietly, more to herself. 

"He doesn't!" Iruka defended quickly, snapping upright. He couldn't out the other man. It wasn't as though they had long conversations about their sexuality anyway; so he honestly didn't know, but he had learned enough about the silver-haired jonin from other discussions. "I'm just a warm body to him." 

Shizune's look saddened and Iruka realized what he had said. 

"I don't mean he's just using me-" Iruka tried to correct himself, "there's- he's actually quite an emotional person- what I meant was- well, no not emotional- he's-" 

"Iruka!" Tsunade's stern voice stopped his babbling and he was thankful. 

The teacher let out a rough sigh. 

"Kakashi did not explicitly tell you his plan to seek vengeance on the Akatsuki members that killed Asuma?" 

"No," Iruka answered. 

"Then how did you know?" 

"When something happens, or he comes back from a mission he acts a certain way. When he's preparing for a difficult mission he's different," Iruka said simply. 

Tsunade nodded, that made enough sense for her to understand. 

Iruka looked at them both, pleadingly, "no one knows... we like it that way." 

The Hokage seemed insulted. "This is the room where we conduct the ANBU, you think we can't keep a secret?" 

She was right. Iruka apologized. 

"Thank you for your honesty, sensei," the Hokage said, "please return to your work." 

Iruka bowed his head before leaving. It was silly of him to be so nervous sharing to the Hokage and her advisor. They had so many more dangerous secrets keeping theirs would be easy. 


	3. Going Public

Iruka wasn't sure what time of night it was. It was either really late or really early when he felt the familiar presence outside his kitchen window. He had fallen asleep while reading through his students' assignments. With a yawn he stretched and walked out into the dark hallway. He undid the traps and unlocked the front door.

With another yawn he sat back in his chair and reached for the papers. Before he could blink the silver-haired jonin was crouched on his kitchen table with his eyes closed in a smile.

He was missing his hitai-ate and vest, his mask had a rip and his hands were burned. "Are you wounded?" Iruka asked. He didn't want to see the jonin right now. He was still mad at him for leaving and mad at himself for telling their secret to the Hokage.

"Just muscle strain and fatigue," Kakashi dismissed. He balanced himself on his hands and leaned forward, his grey eye looking into Iruka's brown ones, "want to help me get to sleep, sensei?"

"You've never needed my help before," Iruka yanked the paper out from under Kakashi's hand.

"Come on, Ruka-kun," Kakashi elegantly stepped off the table, he would have been in Iruka's lap if the chunin hadn't slid his chair back.

"Why are you here, Kakashi?" Iruka asked back, closing his eyes in irritation.

"The same reason you unlocked your door," Kakashi said smoothly.

He was right. If he really hadn't wanted to see him he should of left the door locked and traps in place. Iruka sighed. He stood up, getting closer to the jonin. His hand reached up to the tear in the copy-nin's mask. "This is almost pointless now."

"Is it really that bad?" Kakashi asked, he hadn't seen himself yet.

Iruka's fingers slid under the thin blue fabric, "your mouth is still covered."

"You can fix that," Kakashi stepped closer, their chests almost touching.

Iruka smiled, fingers playing with the tear, "what for?"

Kakashi leaned forward, their faces so close they could feel each other's breath, the only thing between them was Iruka's hand on Kakashi's jaw. His thumb rolled across the covered chin, feeling the slightest presence of the mole below his lip. Kakashi's hand reached Iruka's hip, pulling him forward, enjoying the warmth of their lower bodies touching. "I can't kiss you with it on," Kakashi's voice was soft and dark, dripping with arousal.

"Hasn't stopped you in the past," Iruka reminded.

"That was a long time ago, sensei," Kakashi replied, "before I could trust you." His hands slid into the back of Iruka's shirt, touching soft skin.

Iruka's heart fell into his stomach. Kakashi had trusted him, with so many secrets, and he had betrayed him. Iruka took Kakashi's wrists, moving them out of his shirt while stepping back. "Kakashi, I-"

They both turned sharply to the intruder. Shizune was kneeling in the doorway of Iruka Umino's kitchen, her face turned pink and quickly looked away. "Lady Tsunade summons Kakashi Hatake to the autopsy room at once."

Iruka couldn't bring himself to look anywhere but his feet, noticing how close they were to the other man's. He watched Kakashi step around him and listened as the two left.

He stood in his kitchen for what felt like a lifetime. He was embarrassed and sad and angry. He wasn't finishing his grading tonight.

He left the traps undone and the door unlocked and went to bed.

Kakashi didn't come back that night, or morning, nor was he waiting to walk Iruka home from the academy.

As he made his way down the streets he supposed Kakashi was done with him for now. He had gotten what he needed and now he was back to normal, his mourning period was over.

That's why he was surprised to see the jonin leaning against the wall beside his front door. "Good afternoon, Iruka-kun." Kakashi's visible eye never left the page of his book.

Iruka felt himself blushing at the familiarity. He glanced across the street to the woman sweeping out the dirt from her shop. She didn't seem to notice or care about them. It must have been an accident, Kakashi wouldn't call him that in public. "Hello, Kakashi-san. What can I do for you?"

"How about we figure that out inside, huh, Iruka-kun?" Kakashi flirted back, slipping the blue book into his weapons pouch.

Iruka's eyes darted back to the shopkeeper across the street. She waved. He politely waved back.

"Don't worry about her, what's one more person, right Ruka-kun?" Kakashi's voice was suddenly in his ear, their faces touching.

Iruka knew his face was red. "I- um, tea?" He managed finally unlocking his front door and disappearing inside. Kakashi followed him in.

Iruka let out a shaky breath, letting go of his embarrassment and turning to anger. "What was that about?" he demanded.

"How did Shizune know to look for me here?" Kakashi asked back, "Why wasn't she surprised to see us so close?"

He had figured it out.

"I- I had to," Iruka defended, "you were going to get yourself killed!"

"So you told the Hokage on me?" Kakashi asked, "and she wanted to know how you knew anything about me?"

Iruka nodded stubbornly, that was the just of it.

After a long second Kakashi sighed. "Fine."

Iruka looked up, "what do you mean by that?"

"I think you wanted this to be a secret more than I did," Kakashi shared, "I really couldn't care less."

"Wh- you don't care?" Iruka insisted, "You, famous Copy-nin Sharingan Kakashi, who hides his face and works so hard for a certain public image, you don't care if the village thinks you prefer men?"

Kakashi shrugged, "no, because the important ones don't care."

Iruka didn't say anything. He and Kakashi didn't talk much, not long conversations about important things anyway. Yet, they knew each other well enough and what mattered to the other. Wait, he said don't care. "Who else knows? And do they know about us?"

What even were they?

How did they even get here?

"Well, Asuma-" the name brought sadness to Kakashi's face for a second, "saw us together once and assumed, I never corrected him, and I suppose he told Kurenai." He rubbed the back of his neck, "she made a joke the last time I was in the hospital about you visiting and Gai and his team probably heard it, and-"

"And I was worried sick about having to tell the Hokage," Iruka sighed heavily.

Kakashi stepped towards him. They were still in Iruka's hallway in front of the stairs, between the kitchen and the living room. Iruka fell back against the wall next to his kitchen doorway, one arm across his chest and the other pinching his nose. His eyes were closed tight like he had a headache.

Kakashi moved to stand in front of Iruka. "I never told anyone, so I don't think they know but they aren't oblivious."

That did little to make Iruka feel better.

Kakashi touched his arm, moving his hand down to take his wrist and pull it away from his body. "How long did you think we could've kept it a secret? I think we're lucky to of made it this long without some public catastrophe."

Iruka opened his eyes and looked back at the single grey one staring at him. Three and a half years is a long time but he knew some of Kakashi's secrets were older than that.

With another sigh Iruka dropped his head back against the wall. At least Naruto was still oblivious. He stared up at the ceiling and felt Kakashi let go of his hand. The sun was setting outside the living room window, illuminating the room with shades of yellow. "Kakashi," he asked carefully, "what are we?"

He had spent so long thinking Kakashi was just using him as an emotional storage unit, a place to hide everything that hurt him, and to pretend to be in love, just a few nights out of the month. Yet here he was in his hallway cast in a beautiful glow of sunset trying hard to reassure Iruka for once.

Iruka's brown eyes locked onto the single grey one wanting Kakashi to be honest with himself and with Iruka, now was not a time for games.

Kakashi didn't falter, his expression never changed. If he as thinking about his answer it didn't show.

"How long have we been doing this?" Kakashi asked. He moved closer his feet touching Iruka's.

"Years," Iruka answered tensely.

"In the past year who else have you been with?"

Iruka blinked at him. There had been no one else, Kakashi knew that, he asked every time they were together to know how slowly to go, right?

Iruka's mind slid back to a few nights ago how Kakashi had asked. Then to the time before that, weeks, months, and years of the same question every time.

_Kakashi's hands slid into his shirt, still holding him against the wall, his tongue against his ear. "Was I the last?"_

_Iruka swallowed thickly, his head tilting back, "yes."_

_"Good."_

_"Been awhile?" Kakashi asked between the trailing kisses down Iruka's chest. Falling to his knees between Iruka's legs on the couch._

_"Since you left," Iruka gasped and slid his fingers into Kakashi's hair as his mouth found his length._

_"You're so tight," Kakashi's voice was strained against the back of his neck._

_"Visit me more often," Iruka moaned back. Kakashi's hand moved off the mattress under them, to turn Iruka's chin while he craned his neck to meet in a sloppy kiss._

Iruka just stared was he saying he'd been with no one else either? That couldn't be true. He was famous Copy-nin Kakashi, there had to be women throwing themselves at him.

They were quiet, the room became dark.

_"I love you, Iruka," Kakashi's voice fell out of him, against the tan ear, in his last breath of orgasm._

It was real. Kakashi does love him. The leaving before morning, the disappearing for days, weeks, they were from missions. The distance and casualty in public was for Iruka's sake, to keep everything a secret the way Iruka wanted.

And it was hurting him.

Iruka threw his arms around the jonin's neck and pressed himself against the masked lips, there was no time to move it. His fingers found silver hair and pulled him down, falling back to his heels.

Kakashi nearly stumbled. He wrapped his arms around Iruka's waist, holding the thick material of his chunin vest.

"Spend the night," Iruka said, leaning back, his hand moving up to remove the cloth that was now damp covering Kakashi's mouth.

"They'll see me leaving," Kakashi argued gently.

"Let 'em," Iruka leaned forward, again closing the gap between them.


	4. Too Much

"Ruka-kun, I brought you lunch," Kakashi stepped into the classroom through the window.

Iruka sighed setting down the piece of chalk. "Maybe no nicknames in public," he walked towards the desk where Kakashi had set the boxed lunch.

Kakashi looked around the empty classroom. "No one's here."

"Right now," Iruka corrected. "What if I had a student I was punishing by not letting out for lunch here?"

Kakashi's single eye closed, "ma, you're too worried, Ruka-kun."

Iruka sighed visibly getting irritated.

"Fine, no more nicknames in public," Kakashi agreed, albeit sadly.

"Thank you." Iruka opened the lunch the other man had brought him. "Oh, I thought there'd be enough for two."

"Maybe some other time," Kakashi walked around the desk. "I'm going to go visit Naruto in the hospital."

"Will you tell him I'll be by later?" Iruka asked.

"And how would you like me to tell him I ran into you, sensei?" Kakashi asked back.

"Oh," Iruka didn't know how to answer. Being selectively secret was harder than either extreme. "Well, I'll stop by after class, you don't have to tell him."

They both looked at the open door at the sound of small feet trampling in the hall.

"I'll see you later then," Kakashi said before vanishing a second before children spilled into the classroom, complaining about another student bullying them.

Iruka offered to let them eat their lunches in the classroom with him and he would deal with the problem later.

After his last student had left he stopped by the grocery store on the way to the hospital.

He was slightly surprised to see so many people in Naruto's room. They all stopped and looked up at him as he walked in. "Hi, Naruto." He walked past Kakashi, sitting in a chair near the foot of the hospital bed.

Yamato stepped back for him.

Sakura and Sai had apparently been bickering. Iruka felt like somewhat of an outcast among them.

"I brought you some instant ramen," Iruka passed Naruto the cup. "I know it's not as good but once your arm is better I'll treat you to the real thing."

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei! All they've brought me is stupid fruit," Naruto dropped his voice leaning away from Sakura.

"You, idiot, fruit is healthy for you!" Sakura was clearly insulted, "I'm never doing anything nice for you again."

Iruka smiled as Naruto started begging for forgiveness. His eyes drifted to Kakashi, surprised to see him without his latest book, or at least a book that looked like it. He would swap out the desk jackets so he could read different things and people wouldn't bother him.

His single grey eye moved to Iruka's, catching him. Iruka quickly looked back at Naruto desperately hoping not to be blushing.

"Sai, Sakura, how about dinner, I'll treat," Yamato offered suddenly.

Sakura and Sai looked at him curiously a second before agreeing and following him out of the room chatting about where they wanted to go and Yamato protesting on how much he could afford.

Kakashi moved out of his chair to in favor of leaning besides the window next to Naruto's bed.

"How bad is it?" Iruka asked, looking at Naruto's arm.

"It's broken," Naruto answered, "but you know me, sensei, I heal real fast. I'll be fine." He smiled wide to show just how fine he felt.

Iruka smiled back for a minute but his eyes drifted back to the cast. "I worry about you, Naruto," he shared honestly.

The blond stopped smiling. Kakashi dropped his chin and closed his eye to remain passive to the conversation.

Naruto looked at his former teacher blankly, registering the words.

"You're so strong, Naruto," Iruka went on, "you're facing opponents I could never have a chance against, you've grown so much."

Naruto laughed nervously, a stranger to receiving praise. "You think so, sensei!"

"Don't let it go to your head," Iruka's tone was sad suddenly, "don't get arrogant. The stronger you get the stronger your opponents will get, do you understand, Naruto?"

The teen was quiet. He looked at his arms in front of him, one in a cast.

"I worry about you," Iruka repeated.

While Naruto was still contemplating everything that was said a medical ninja came into the room. "Anything I can get for you?"

Kakashi handed her the instant ramen cup. "Could you make this for him?"

"Oh, um, sure," she smiled kindly and walked out of the room.

Kakashi returned to the space between the bed and the wall. This time standing closer to the teen. "Naruto," the blond looked up at him. "Do you understand what Iruka-sensei was saying?"

Iruka looked at the jonin. He had worked so hard to compartmentalize their relationship. There was public and there was private, but the line was starting to blur. How was he supposed to look at him now? How was he supposed to see him?

"I think so," Naruto said. He turned to the tan man standing beside his bed. "I'm not as big an idiot as you all think I am," he scolded.

Iruka was taken aback.

"I know I'm not as strong as Pervy Sage or anyone like that," Naruto's smile was back. "But I'm going to become Hokage someday and become the strongest ninja in the village!"

Iruka smiled. "I don't doubt you, Naruto."

When the medical ninja came back Kakashi left and Iruka was happy to help Naruto eat his dinner.

It was late by the time he left Naruto's room. The blond had drifted off to sleep a few minutes before he left his chair to walk to the door.

He didn't want to leave, not truly. He remembered how parents doted on him when he was sick. How his mother never left his bedside. He knew that feeling, he sometimes missed it, and he wondered if Naruto missed it even more for never knowing it.

He was surprised to see the silver-haired jonin leaning against the wall outside the door. "Had he been there the whole time?" Iruka thought.

Kakashi stood straight. "When was the last time you ate, sensei?"

Iruka smiled nervously. They both knew the answer to that.

"Dinner then?" Kakashi started walking down the hall.

Iruka fell into step beside him, "I could eat."

"Good."

The streets were nearly dark but lively. Food venders were busy and the happy voices of their patrons carried, as well as their lights.

Iruka was happy to follow Kakashi, not knowing where he was leading, but trusting that at the end of their journey there was warm food and perhaps a place to be alone.

He liked being alone with Kakashi, now that there was more to their privacy than stages of undress and singular goals.

He was looking up at the sky, watching the first star that came into view, trying to remember which star it was. He could remember his academy instructor's lecture on the importance of navigating at night by stars and using the position of the sun and moon to tell time.

A gloved hand brushed his.

Iruka nearly jumped. He looked straight ahead, no longer wondering about the stars. There was a nervous knot in his stomach as he scanned the street.

Did he want to hold Kakashi's hand? That was a very public, very definite deceleration of their secret relationship. Did Kakashi want to hold his hand? Was he asking permission? Would the famous Sharingan Kakashi ever ask permission for anything?

He kept his hand loose at his side. He didn't want to deny him, if it had been intentional, but he wasn't about to approve either.

Kakashi's feet suddenly stopped. "Iruka." Fingers curled around his, a gloved palm against his own.

Iruka was caught mid-step, suddenly tethered to an unmoving body. He knew he was blushing as he spun, a mixture of embarrassment and shock.

Whatever Kakashi was about to say died on his tongue. His hand dropped Iruka's before the academy teacher could blink, and a body was beside him like a flash of green.

"Kakashi my eternal rival!" Gai shouted excitably. "You have bested me in every challenge but today will be the day that I claim victory! Will you accept this new challenge?"

Iruka felt like the color had gone from his face. He was mortified that Gai had seen them holding hands.

Kakashi held out his hand boredly, "Rock, paper, scissors?"

"No! This time your sharingan will be of no use! It will be a challenge of physical strength and youthful spirit!"

"Well, I actually have plans," Kakashi slid his hand back into his pocket. He turned his head to Iruka, "I was going to make Iruka-kun dinner."

Iruka would have fallen over if he were a lesser ninja. Kakashi was walking them to his apartment? To make him dinner? He called him Iruka-kun! In front of Gai!

Gai looked over as if noticing Iruka for the first time. "Oh, Iruka-sensei!" He took a step back to give the man back his personal space. "I did not see you!" he apologized.

Iruka laughed nervously, knowing Gai wasn't as dense as Naruto, and only slightly more socially aware. "That's quite alright, Gai-sensei."

Gai faced Kakashi again, pointing a finger prepared to issue his newest challenge when suddenly he seemed to deflate, looking between them.

They both looked expectant, waiting for him to say something.

He stood back on his heels calmly. "Oh." There was a pause. He apparently was still thinking, trying to find words. Finally he looked at Kakashi, taking back his inflated stance, "next time, my eternal rival, I will come up with a challenge I will surely defeat you at!"

Iruka started walking before Gai had left. He wanted to go home. He wanted to collapse into a puddle of fear, embarrassment, and anxiety and stop trying so hard to keep his face straight. He wanted to yell and scream and pull his hair out. How could Kakashi set him up like that?

He was aware the man was following him. He could sense his chakra just a few steps behind him. It wasn't that he was walking fast. He just knew Kakashi was giving him space because he knew he was mad at him. Just making Iruka madder, how could he be such a sensitive and thoughtful jerk!

When Iruka walked through his door he kicked off his sandals with purpose and stormed into his kitchen, turning on the light and throwing open the fridge, vaguely aware that he had been hungry once.

He heard the click of the door and lock and knew Kakashi was around the corner.

The fridge door shut with a loud clang. "Why did you do that?!" he demanded.

Kakashi's face was blank, his annoying grabby hands in his pockets. "Gai is harmless," Kakashi stepped towards him, "and I couldn't think of another reason he'd leave me alone."

Iruka crossed his arms. He didn't like Kakashi's reasons, he wasn't done being angry.

"I wanted to spend the evening with you," Kakashi said. He was a few steps away from Iruka. His voice took on a certain tone, "and I thought we weren't caring about who knew."

"I was wrong," Iruka confessed, frustration in his own voice. "I can't do it. Can we just go back?"

He regretted looking up. Kakashi's face seemed hurt, if only for a second, before he was expressionless again. "If that's what you want."

Iruka let out a breath, feeling calm reclaim him at the thought of it. "Yes."

"Okay," Kakashi agreed. He took a step back. "I should go then, it's late," he said before turning to leave.

Iruka looked at his feet. It was better this way.


	5. Too Little

It had been four days since he'd seen Kakashi and their last exchange left a bitter taste in his mouth. The more he thought about it the more he hated himself.

Kakashi wanted to love him, in a way Iruka never thought a person would, and he was pushing him away because he was too embarrassed over people finding out his sexual orientation. How immature and pitiful he was.

Kakashi didn't care and his reputation was more valuable than Iruka's.

Iruka sat back in his chair and looked down at the papers on his table. His apartment was dark and empty, and he was alone.

He had gotten so used to it, being alone.

During the day there was friends and students, stories and laughter, and then he would come home and eat dinner by himself before reading until he fell asleep.

He buried himself in his work to distract himself from the emptiness. Grading papers until late at night exhausted his brain to make him tired enough to go straight to sleep. Routines kept him focused, his mind wasn't allowed to wonder to things that hurt.

Then Kakashi Hatake happened.

How did they even get here?

Iruka rubbed his tired eyes. Maybe he should call it a night. He was losing concentration wondering if the jonin was on a mission, if it was a difficult ranked one, how long until he came back, would Iruka even know if he did.

With a sigh he turned out the lights and made his way upstairs.

Maybe some people should know the nature of their relationship. If Kakashi were to die in battle Iruka would never know. He could imagine hearing it from an unknowing Naruto and trying to console him while trying to hide his own pain.

He sighed falling into his empty bed. He should push these thoughts from his mind. Kakashi would be back soon enough.

He needed to figure out what he wanted from this relationship. He had always been so focused of what Kakashi needed, since the beginning, that he never thought about himself.

Iruka allowed himself to admit he missed Kakashi. He was sitting at the desk in the mission's room, staring at the report in front of him.

"Iruka," a voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "You alright?" Izumo asked. He had a stack of papers in his arms, taking them to be filed.

Iruka laughed shyly and touched the back of his head. "Fine, just distracted, I guess."

Kotetsu turned, his stack of paperwork was higher. He had to lean to see around it. "What's distracting you, sensei?" He had a grin Iruka didn't like.

He felt himself getting warm. He was not about to tell them the truth but getting caught lying to his friends surely would not go over well. All this because he had let his mind drift during work.

Izumo looked back at his friend. He registered his smirk and then smiled at Iruka. "You hiding something, sensei?"

"No, no," Iruka insisted. "I was thinking about Naruto." He purposefully dropped his eyes to the report on the desk. "Jiraiya-sama took him for more training and the last time he didn't come back for three years."

"Oh," they both lost their smiles.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Kotetsu said walking on.

Izumo looked at him sadly for a second longer before following Kotetsu out of the room.

Iruka sighed and focused on his work the rest of his shift, though now it was harder with the other ninja in the room continually checking on him.

It was dark when he locked up the mission's room and started his walk home.

What was he so scared of? Why couldn't he of told his friends the truth? "They don't know, but they aren't oblivious," Kakashi's words echoed in his mind. They probably were holding their tongues for his sake, waiting for him to be the first to confirm any suspicions.

He just couldn't bring himself to even think the words, and knowing how his voice would sound as he said them, his chest felt tight.

He sank onto a bench besides the road. He dropped his head back with a sigh.

Iruka had gotten so adapted to being alone. Not having anyone to share so personally with, never needing to explain himself and the way he felt, how was he supposed to change that?

Kakashi wasn't asking him to change, Iruka realized. Kakashi was accommodating both of their insecurities the whole time.

Iruka had never felt so stupid.

"Iruka-kun!"

Iruka's head snapped up. "Kakashi?" Was this real? Had he fallen asleep?

"I've just gotten home from a difficult mission," he sounded louder than normal. Iruka ignored it, maybe something had happened to his hearing, paper-bomb explosions probably. "Imagine my surprise and delight to see you on my way home."

Iruka narrowed his eyes. "Are you alright?"

Kakashi laughed nervously. "I'm fine, sens- Iruka-kun. I am incredibly hungry though, from that difficult mission."

Iruka stood up with a small chuckle. Something wasn't right, maybe Kakashi had a concussion. "There should be someplace still open for dinner. Though, it should be something light, you might get sick."

Kakashi laughed again, "uh, thank you, Iruka-kun."

They started walking. Iruka eyed the jonin wearily. His only visible eye was closed, smiling. Iruka looked at the street again. It was fairly empty. A few people here and there, walking home.

Iruka led them into the restaurant. It was a small establishment, the counter to the right and booth seating along the wall. The counter was nearly full, no two seats free and the booths just as occupied. Iruka found an empty table near the back and sat down.

Kakashi sat across from him.

When they got their menus Kakashi touched the corner of his mask like it was bothering him. "Ma, what do you think I should get, Iruka-kun?"

Iruka looked at him and then at the server. She smiled awkwardly. Iruka took the menu away from Kakashi and ordered for them both.

"Do I need to take you to the hospital?" he asked once she left.

"No, no, I'm fine, Iruka-kun."

That was a contradictory statement. Their last conversation they agreed to going back to the way things were. Iruka felt himself getting angry, was Kakashi ignoring his request or was he really injured?

He watched the man across from him trying to find physical signs, nothing seemed out of place except the expression on his face.

Then he realized, was this even Kakashi?

He relaxed into his seat. Whoever the ninja was apparently knew Kakashi well enough to mimic his voice and appearance but not his mannerisms. They knew he and Iruka had an intimate relationship but not about the details. Whoever this ninja was, it was a friend of theirs.

Now what to do about it?

Someone was going through a lot of trouble to pretend to be Kakashi. He was more curious as to why than who.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "After dinner I could walk you home, I'm sure you're exhausted," he made sure his tone was just the proper amount of suggestive.

The Kakashi across the table seemed shocked. "W-well, that's not necessary, sensei."

"I know it's not necessary," Iruka said. He was grinning, he knew he was. This poor soul thought they could trick him into thinking they were the real Kakashi Hatake, he'd make them confess that they weren't.

He toed his sandal off beneath the table and slid his foot forward finding Kakashi's leg.

The single grey eye went wide. "Iruka-sensei."

"Yes, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi laughed nervously again. Iruka rested his hand on his chin and slid his foot farther up the other man's leg.

Noticeably distraught and conflicted the Kakashi across the table fidgeted in his seat for a second before freezing. "Iruka, I was hoping we could just talk," his voice was flat, well trained, the most Kakashi-like thing that had happened so far.

Well, actually the real Kakashi would have pounced Iruka and transported them somewhere once he had started flirting with him.

Iruka sat back and slid his sandal back on. "What about?"

They both looked up when the sever delivered their food.

Kakashi looked down at his plate, as if contemplating it. Iruka waited until he was sure she had walked away far enough to reengage their conversation. "What did you want to talk about?" He looked at the face of Kakashi across the table from him, studying it.

"Us," he said simply, his voice was right, his tone was right, the single visible eye the right amount of concern and aloofness that was Kakashi. Was this really Kakashi?

There was one sure way to find out. He was certain that he and maybe some medical ninja were the only ones living that had seen his face. If this was a ninjutsu the caster wouldn't be able to replicate something they've never seen. He had to get Kakashi to kiss him.

He slid out of his booth and around the table to sit beside Kakashi. "Us?" he asked keeping his voice quiet. "Maybe we should go somewhere more private." He placed his hand purposefully on Kakashi's knee.

Being closer allowed him to better judge the ninja's reactions. He seemed tense but there was no other outward reaction. "I don't think that'd go well."

"Oh, I think it would go very well," Iruka argued. He looked at the masked chin. There was proof right there, he just needed to get to it.

"No," the ninja gently removed Iruka's hand from his thigh, "because you don't seem like you want to talk, Ruka-kun."

Iruka froze. No, it had to of been a lucky guess. He was not shamelessly flirting with the real Kakashi Hatake in public. He reached across the table to pull his plate closer like nothing was bothering him. This wasn't real, it couldn't be. "What about us then?"

"Where do you see our relationship going?" Their tone betrayed them, they were too eager for the answer. Kakashi was patient when it came to their relationship, he had been willing to take the step back to spare Iruka's feelings. This was not Kakashi and Iruka was sick of playing this game.

"That'll be difficult to answer," Iruka said between bites, "seeing as I don't even know your name."

They moved away from him as if under attack. "Wha- How did you-"

Iruka calmly continued eating. "I've narrowed it down to three. You're either Gai-sensei and someone else is casting a ninjutsu, Kurenai-sensei, though I doubt that she could keep the ninjutsu going this long in her condition, or most likely Shizune-san, though why you're doing this is a mystery."

Kakashi dropped his head. "The Hokage ordered me to investigate your relationship. She's worried about Kakashi's mental state in the field."

Iruka didn't know what to say. He knew little of Kakashi's past and his breakdown after the death of his sensei. He supposed the Hokage had a right to be concerned about one of the village's best ninja. "I'll wright a detailed report for her," Iruka decided.

"I don't know if-"

Iruka looked at Shizune wearing Kakashi's face. "If she wants the information it'll have to do, otherwise take me to interrogations."

Shizune nodded. "Of course we wouldn't do that. Thank you, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka pushed his plate away. He had hardly eaten but he had lost his appetite. "I'll pay for the meal. Good night, Shizune-san."

As promised he paid at the counter before leaving.

After his front door closed he let out a sigh. He didn't bother turning on the lights as he walked through his home. He collapsed into bed, his mind thinking on all the things he tried hard not to think about.

He'd have to analyze and write down everything he and Kakashi had done together. He'd have to explain their entire relationship rationally, and part of him knew they made no rational sense together.

Kakashi was an elite jonin, Iruka a chunin too soft for the battle field. Kakashi was unreadable and distant, Iruka wore his heart on his sleeve. Perhaps they didn't belong together and the Hokage was right to question it.

Iruka rolled onto his side. He felt a longing in his chest remembering their last encounter.

"I just want to go back," he said to himself.

Before all this happened, before he fell in love with Kakashi Hatake.


	6. The Beginning

_It was late, the sun was setting. Iruka shouldn't have tried to finish all that paperwork. He'd have to walk home in the dark now, but he had to do this first._

_His feet stopped realizing there was someone else already at the memorial stone. Kakashi stood with his hips cocked and hands in his pockets, looking at the stone absently. "Oh, I'm sorry," Iruka took a step back. "I'll come back."_

_Kakashi turned his head, he looked at the chunin and then the two daffodils in his hand. "No, no, sensei, you stay. Everyone deserves to mourn." Kakashi turned to start walking._

_"It's alright," Iruka said quickly. "You can stay too, then. After all, everyone deserves to mourn," he repeated with a soft smile._

_Kakashi nodded and moved back to his previous stance._

_Iruka walked forward and knelt down to place the flowers on the base of the monument. It wasn't in the right place. His parents' names were on the other side but he was respecting the other man's space. He put his hands together and closed his eyes._

_He was aware the jonin was watching him but didn't feel any judgement from his stare._

_Finally he lowered his hands and pushed off his knees to stand again. He bowed to Kakashi, "thank you, Kakashi-san for letting me stay." He began to walk away but stopped when he realized there were footsteps in the grass echoing his. He looked back to see the other ninja had stepped towards him._

_"I didn't know you prayed," Kakashi said calmly._

_"Oh, I don't really," Iruka said blushing. He ran a hand up under his ponytail. "I just kind of think about what I'd want to tell them."_

_Kakashi's eye looked at the stone again._

_Iruka watched him. The man seemed lost, sad somehow, though nothing was revealed in his body langue or face, Iruka just knew. He didn't want to leave him there like that. What he was about to offer came out more like a breath as Kakashi spoke first, "Can I walk with you?"_

_Iruka smiled and nodded. "If you'd like." Iruka wasn't the type to let a drowning man drown, he'd insist on them taking his hand._

_They walked in silence. The night was clear and calm. The village around them was happy as people met at the food shops or outside their homes to talk to neighbors. But all the peace and joy in the air was interrupted for Iruka, watching the jonin next to him, internalizing his suffering._

_When he reached his apartment door Kakashi seemed to linger. "Would you like some tea?" Iruka asked. Kakashi seemed like he needed company and maybe once they weren't in such a public space he would relax some._

_"That would be nice. Thank you, sensei."_

_Iruka was surprised Kakashi took the offer, but also glad. He didn't like to see people hurting._

_Once they were inside Iruka turned on the lights. He stopped to take off his sandals. "You can leave yours on if you'd be more comfortable," he told the other man._

_Iruka walked into his kitchen. "Sorry about the mess, I don't have company often." He started shuffling the stacks of papers on his table, moving them all to one end._

_Kakashi moved a chair and sat down while Iruka set to work getting the kettle on the stove and leaves in the cups._

_Finally he poured them both their tea, set Kakashi's in front of him, and sitting down across the table with his own._

_He kept his eyes trained on his own cup so Kakashi could drink without worrying about Iruka seeing his face._

_He heard the sound of the ceramic cup touching the wooden surface again. They were quiet and Iruka started to wonder if he should say something. Kakashi had helped him before when he was having a hard time being Naruto's teacher. He wanted to help him in the same way._

_He didn't realize how long he'd been staring at his cup thinking about Naruto._

_"Iruka," Kakashi's voice was calm but dark._

_Iruka looked up._

_"Thank you for the tea, sensei," he said. It seemed strained, like he was choking._

_Iruka felt his heart sinking. He couldn't watch a drowning man drown, even if it meant he got pulled down with him. "You're hurting, Kakashi-san. Please tell me how to help."_

_Kakashi's chair slid against the hardwood floor. Iruka dropped his eyes and listened to the other man's footsteps. He had pushed too much. They didn't have that kind of relationship and Kakashi was not the kind to open up to strangers. Iruka had insulted him, he was leaving._

_Iruka looked up the second he realized Kakashi's steps were coming closer. He had gotten up to walk around the table and came to a stop besides Iruka's chair, holding out a hand. "Where's your bedroom?"_

_It took seconds for Iruka to realize what was being asked, and even less time for him to decide to comply. He wasn't a stranger to this kind of mourning._

Iruka looked at the paper on his desk. _"That was the first time we-"_ He felt his face getting hot thinking of the words he needed to write, _"shared a bed."_ He decided.

He leaned back in his chair and ran his hands down his face with an exhausted sigh. How detailed did this need to be? Surely the Hokage wasn't interested in the mechanics of their relationship. This was all to evaluate Kakashi's mental status, he could leave out the truly personal bits.

He felt embarrassed rereading what he had written. The Hokage was going to see this. With a groan he decided that was enough for tonight. He turned out the lights and went to bed.

The next day during his class's lunch break he wondered if Kakashi was back from his mission yet and if he did come back would he try and find Iruka? The last thing they agreed on was keeping everything as they had been, meaning if Kakashi had no reason to be seen with him their paths wouldn't cross.

Iruka didn't like that idea anymore.

He thought of the way it had felt walking side by side and a hand brushing his. It was terrifying and exhilarating in one moment. He wouldn't refuse that again.

He missed him.

He decided after dismissing his students for the day that he'd try and find him. He wasn't sure where to look. He knew Kakashi had a few favorite places to read but just because he wasn't in there didn't mean he wasn't home.

He decided to try his luck in the mission's room. Though, once he got there he regretted it. The room was busy and all the ninja on duty looked at him like he had gone mad. "Iruka, you don't work today," Genma said curiously.

Iruka laughed nervously. How could he ask if Kakashi was back without seeming suspicious? "I know, I was just-" he stumbled trying to think, "wondering if Naruto had come back yet. I owe him Ichiraku Ramen."

"Well then I don't think you have to worry about missing him," Izumo said humorously. "If you owe him ramen he'll find you."

Iruka laughed and agreed walking out of the room. Nearly running into Shizune with an arm full of scrolls, struggling some. "Can I help you, Shizune-san?"

"Oh, Iruka-sensei," her cheeks started to brighten before nodding. "Yes, thank you."

Iruka took an arm full and they started walking together.

"About the other day…" she started.

Iruka shook his head. "Best we don't talk about it."

"Right," she agreed.

Iruka turned his head to read one of the scrolls outer titles. "These are for sealing."

"Best we don't talk about it," Shizune repeated.

He was speaking to the advisor to the Hokage. "Oh." He looked forward again.

They were delivering the scrolls to Tsunade herself for a reason unknown to Iruka. When Shizune set hers down she took the ones from Iruka she thanked him.

"I'll be going." He bowed and stepped to leave.

"Wait," Tsunade ordered.

He stopped.

"I'm still waiting on your report, Iruka." Her eyes never left the scroll in her hands.

"Oh, well, it's sort of difficult to narrow nearly four years into key details," he said rubbing the back of his head. "I am working on it though and trying to write what's important-"

"I thought you'd told Shizune it would be a detailed report," the Hokage looked up.

"I- Well, yes, but you don't mean _detailed_ , right?" He felt his face getting warm. He looked over at the Hokage's advisor she was pursing her lips to one side trying to keep a professional face and failing.

"It's your job to wright the report, it's my job to decide what information is important. Do you understand, Iruka?" The threat in her voice was unmistakable.

He swallowed thickly, this was worse than he could of ever imagined. "Y-yes, Hokage-sama," he bowed his head and left before things could get even more embarrassing.

Iruka walked into his apartment, turning on the light, preparing for the dark that would follow the setting sun. He walked into his kitchen and picked up the first paper from the stack on his table. It was a lesson plan for pre-genin to prepare for their exam. He set it down again and went to his cupboard.

He needed something a little harder than tea.

He walked back to his living room and sat down at his desk. He took a drink from his sake' cup and picked up his pen.

_It had been awhile. Iruka knew his body and how much it could take. He wanted to be the catalyst Kakashi needed to relax but he didn't know the man well enough to say how rough things were likely to get. So he fell to his knees in front of him, popping the button of his pants._

_They had already lost their vests. Iruka's headband had fallen to the floor with a metal clink before they'd stepped towards the bed._

_Fingers found his ponytail. They forced their way between the tie and his scalp, making him wince and move his head back, brown strands falling in his face._

_Kakashi's fingers moved back, his gloved palm coming to rest on the top of Iruka's head._

_Iruka wouldn't pretend to be an expert, this was only his second time performing such an act. Kakashi's skin was soft and warm, nested in course white hair. Iruka's fingers curled around hard flesh, feeling every vein. His tongue worked and head bobbed, swallowing the bitter tang of pre-cum at the back of his throat._

_Kakashi's breath hitched and sighed in alternate as Iruka moved. Iruka tried to work faster, he nearly gagged. Kakashi's hand pushed him back. "Iruka," his voice was dark, he swallowed to catch his breath, "I need more."_

Iruka looked at the paper in front of him, thinking. _"We kept most our clothes on-"_

_Iruka's shirt was up around his chest. His pants somewhere on the floor. Kakashi was still fully dressed, his pants just pushed down to his thighs. He still had his hitai-ate covering one side of his face, leaving one grey eye for Iruka to look up at._

_Tan hands twisted in the blue fabric of the jonin's shirt. Kakashi's ungloved hand between them._

_"-yet in his desperation he was patient at the start,"_ Iruka finished. He refilled his sake' cup and had another hit.

The alcohol was working. He felt less inhibited and it was easier to write, his memory was losing faculty though. The times they spent together started to run together. He had to stop himself from writing about the first time Kakashi kissed him without the mask.

He set the sake' aside and leaned back in his chair. He needed to refocus.

_His fingers found their way to Kakashi's hair, unintentionally moving the headband. Kakashi reached up and tossed it off. Iruka stared at the scar covering his eye. Before he knew what he was doing he was kissing it. He liked the way Kakashi's skin felt against his lips. His fingers brushed the edge of his mask._

_Kakashi caught his wrist and held it to the mattress. The small bed creaked under their weight as Kakashi's thrusts got harder._

_Iruka's head fell back, his body arched. Kakashi hooked an arm under one of his knees, changing the angle, pushing himself deeper into the other body._

Maybe he could skip to how that night ended.

_Without moving too much Iruka fished his boxers from his pants and pulled them on, still laying on his bed. The lower half of his body was making sure he was aware of how much he had overdone it._

_He watched the shadow moving in the light of his bathroom and waited. When Kakashi walked out his pants were closed and shirt tucked in. He picked up one of the vests on the floor and checked the pockets to make sure it was his before pulling it on._

_He moved towards the bed, picking up his hitai-ate where it had landed. He tied it to his forehead and adjusted it to cover his face. "Are you alright?"_

_"Fine," Iruka smiled. He breathed a sigh and made himself sit up._

_Kakashi found his other glove beside the bed and knelt down to get it. He stayed like that, looking up at Iruka as he slid his fingers into it._

_Iruka couldn't read his face, but he assumed it was something like guilt he was seeing. He hid his pain like he was self-taught and stood up walking with Kakashi out of the room._

_The man lingered at the stairs. Iruka reached for the hand holding the banister. "If you need something else-"_

_Kakashi turned. His covered lips suddenly pressed against Iruka's cheek. "You've done enough for me tonight, sensei," he said as he moved back. "Thank you."_

_Iruka watched him walk down the stairs and heard the front door close._

Iruka tapped his pen against his lip. _"Afterwards Kakashi left with some kind of understanding that we wouldn't talk about what had happened. I think we thought it was going to be a onetime occurrence. We were wrong. It happened again months later, after-"_

Iruka paused. His mind was reeling from the alcohol and memories. Thinking about the Third's funeral and the collective mourning of the village made his heart sink. He had done enough tonight. He needed some rest.

He turned out the lights and made his way upstairs before falling into his empty bed.


	7. Sweet Reunions

His shift in the mission's room was a difficult one following his classes. His mind kept wandering as he was trying to work. Distracted on remembering the details of things that happened years ago.

"Iruka," Raidou said sternly.

Iruka looked up. "Sorry," he knew he was blushing, hoping that none of the things he had been thinking had fallen out of his mouth.

"You can leave early if you want, I'll close up," the man offered.

"No, I'll be fine," Iruka insisted with an apologetic smile.

"Really, sensei, you're of little help today," he said bluntly.

"Oh," Iruka looked at the last of only five reports he had gotten through during his shift. Raidou had been right.

Iruka left feeling defeated he really needed to stop thinking so much about the report the Hokage needed him to wright. He was afraid of writing the wrong thing or leaving something out that would have the Hokage ordering the termination of their relationship.

As he was leaving the tower he was surprised to see his former student waving at him excitably. "Iruka-sensei!" Naruto shouted, jogging towards him, coming to a stop in front of him with his palms pressed together. "I heard you were going to treat me to ramen?"

Iruka sighed with a kind smile. "I suppose," he fanned like he had a choice.

Sitting next to the blond at the dinner counter the held their chop sticks, "Itadakimasu," they said in unison, Naruto's slightly more enthusiastic.

Naruto ate faster than Iruka, the boy inhaled food instead of enjoying it. Suddenly he stopped. "Iruka-sensei," Naruto said looking into his bowl.

Iruka looked over at him. "Hm, what is it, Naruto?"

"There was this boy on the mission," Naruto started.

Iruka waited.

"He- he was all alone. I told him that home was where people think of you," Naruto shared.

Iruka smiled, "that's a nice thought, Naruto."

"I thought of you, Iruka-sensei," he went on. "About what you said, that you worry about me."

Naruto seemed lost, staring into his ramen. "I'm happy to worry about you, Naruto," Iruka said.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at him, "that doesn't sound right, sensei."

Iruka laughed a little, he was right. "It's complicated," Iruka admitted. "Worrying about your safety makes me happy because- Because you need someone to worry about you, Naruto. Sakura and the others all have family thinking about them when they leave. So I'll be that person for you," Iruka offered.

Naruto's eyes were wide and face blank, staring at his former teacher. Unconditional love had never been offered to him before, Iruka understood, practically watching the gears in the teen's head moving, trying to react to such a foreign idea. Finally he smiled wide and rubbed the back of his head.

Iruka pointed at the boy's bowl, "eat up, Naruto, it'll get cold."

He didn't have to be told twice.

Iruka laughed. He was happy.

As they walked away from Ichiraku Naruto rubbed his stomach. "So full…"

"You over did it again, Naruto. I told you three bowls was enough," Iruka pointed.

"It was so good," Naruto mumbled.

Iruka shook his head with a chuckle. When he opened his eyes again his feet froze.

Naruto took a step and then looked at him confused before glancing at the two men coming to a stop in front of them. "Good evening, Iruka-sensei," Yamato greeted.

Iruka's eyes had been fixed on the jonin. There was no doubt about it, his look, the way he walked, the presence of his chakra, this was Kakashi, his Kakashi.

He realized Yamato had said something. He quickly directed his attention. "Oh, hello, Yamato-san."

Naruto stared with his eyes narrowed.

Iruka felt his face getting warm, how obvious was he being if Naruto was suspicious?

"Go away, you're bothering Iruka-sensei," Naruto pointed accusingly at Kakashi, getting defensive of his former teacher.

"I am?" Kakashi asked. His face remained calm and emotionless.

"Naruto, don't be so rude," Iruka scolded while trying to control his heart. "Kakashi-san isn't bothering me."

He stood in front of Iruka, between him and the jonin. "Then what the heck is that look about?"

Iruka blinked. What look was he making?

"Naruto," Yamato interrupted, "I think Sakura was looking for you."

"What? Really?" He spun on his heels forgetting in an instant whatever he was about to ask.

"Yeah, you better go find her. It's rude to make a lady wait."

"Right!" He was off down the street with a wide grin.

Yamato looked at the academy instructor. He bowed his head wordlessly before turning and walking away.

Leaving the two ninja alone on a crowded street.

Iruka opened his mouth, finally deciding to say something, but before the words came out Kakashi spoke. "Would you join me for some tea, sensei?"

Iruka smiled, "that sounds wonderful."

Kakashi started walking. Iruka followed silently, stealing glances at the side of his face.

Kakashi held aside the blue curtain of the tea shop. Iruka thanked him as he ducked inside.

The tables were long with bench seating. On busy days strangers would sit beside one another. Tonight at this hour it was fairly festive. People in groups or on their own scattered across the shop.

Kakashi sat down at the far end of an already occupied table. Iruka sat beside him to save space for the next patrons.

Iruka ordered sincha, Kakashi hojicha. They were quiet. Iruka held the warm cup in his hand realizing he was happy to just be in the same room with the man again.

"Iruka," Kakashi's voice pulled him from his musings. Iruka looked over to see Kakashi setting his empty cup back down, his other hand dropping from his mask, securely back in place. He didn't say anything else, but he clearly wanted to.

Iruka looked back at his half empty tea cup. There was so much he wanted to say but this wasn't the right place.

He kept one hand on the ceramic cup, the other dropped down below the table. With a nervous knot in his chest and head still low he watched Kakshi's hand slip off the table.

Iruka felt skin against his and without hesitation he fit his fingers between Kakashi's.

He felt himself blushing while staring at the table with a smile and he wouldn't care who saw. He was happy.


	8. Completely Yours

Kakashi's body was warm against his, his breath hot against his neck. Gloved palms moved down his sides, bare fingers pressing into soft flesh. Iruka rolled his hips forward, they both groaned. His shoulders pushed off the wall behind him, moving Kakashi back so he could pull off the offending shirt and Kakashi could touch more of him.

The jonin's hands held him tight, grinding his own hips forward. Iruka fell back against the wall with a thud. Kakashi's face moved against a tan shoulder. As soon as his mask slipped down past his lips they worked to taste nothing but skin until finding Iruka's.

In a frenzy of tongues and labored breaths Iruka's hands found silver hair. Fingers pulled at the blue knot nested at the back of his head. The hitai-ate slipped from Kakashi's face making Iruka move back, it fell between them onto the wooden floor with an audible sound.

Iruka touched the pale scarred face. He leaned forward kissing under the closed eye. Kakashi's foot moved back, putting space between them.

Iruka watched the jonin peel his shirt off, letting it slip off his arm, onto the floor.

Iruka grabbed the man's shoulders, pushing him towards the living room, while leaning up, catching his lips again.

Kakashi fell onto the couch, Iruka with him. Pale fingers made nimble work of opening the academy teacher's pants.

Iruka's hands moved over strong shoulders and up the soft neck. His fingers touched the man's face, feeling the muscles underneath working as they kissed, tongues pushing against each other in hot, wet places. He just wanted to touch him, feel every inch of him.

He'd never been so desperate for anything else in his life.

Kakashi made a noise between a growl and a moan, grabbing Iruka's rolling hips in his lap and in one swift movement pinning him below himself on the couch.

Iruka laughed between pants, shifting to get more comfortable, spreading his legs to make room for the jonin between them.

Kakashi's hand braced the arm of the sofa, holding himself above the tan body. His eye caught Iruka's looking between them, working to free him from his pants. He brought his hand up to his mouth, pulling off his fingerless glove with his teeth and tossed it somewhere else.

"Iruka." He caught the man's attention, using whatever reserve he had to keep his voice even as hands started to stoke him.

Brown eyes looked up before sliding closed as a mouth covered his. He felt Kakashi's fingers against his chin, drifting closer to where their tongues were occupying one another. Kakashi pulled away, his fingers tips rolling over Iruka's lips.

Without a thought he let them in. The digits pushed gently against muscle as it moved over them. They tasted of skin and sweat, hardened by years of kunai grips and hand-to-hand combat.

Iruka moaned against them, thinking, knowing what this was for, how Kakashi planned to use them.

Kakashi pulled away, Iruka's eyes opened, not even realizing he had closed them.

The red of the sharingan surprised him. "Why?" he breathed.

The scarred eye closed again, Kakashi grinned moving over him, shifting his weight, pushing Iruka's leg further against the back of the couch. "I want to remember that face forever. Wouldn't you, sensei?"

Iruka let out a breath. The tone in Kakashi's voice made the word sound dirty. His hand suddenly grabbed the jonin's shoulder. His breath hitched.

"Too much?" Kakashi asked, starting to pull back.

Iruka panted shaking his head before dropping it to the side. Looking at the cluttered coffee table.

Kakashi kissed his cheek and then his neck. His tongue moved over soft warm skin, his fingers moved against velvet walls.

Iruka's own hands found their way back to the erection above him. Kakashi groaned against his shoulder. The arm of the couch made it difficult to get the right spot on Iruka's neck and the teacher squirming under him wasn't helping.

He withdrew his fingers and suddenly took him by the waist, pulling him up. Tan legs folded around his waist. He kissed Iruka's shoulder, tasted his skin, his teeth just grazing him. A pale hand took both erections, stroking them together. Their bodies rocked into it in a quickening pace, they wouldn't last much longer.

Kakashi's eye drifted to a white bottle sitting on the teacher's desk. It slid closed again, turning his face to kiss Iruka's neck.

Iruka's body shuddered, his head falling back as he moaned. Kakashi's head fell against Iruka's shoulder, holding him tighter. All the tension uncoiled into warm bliss, bodies shaking as they came.

They sat together panting, climbing slowly down from the high.

Iruka turned his head, seeking Kakashi's lips again. The kiss was messy and without control. When they broke apart it was with a sigh. Iruka moved his legs, getting strained from their previous short, quick movements. Kakashi sat back, helping Iruka climb off him.

Iruka reached down, finding his green boxers in a sea of blue fabric on his living room floor.

Kakashi watched him walk out, closing his pants. He walked towards his source of curiosity, the writing desk under the window. He picked up the sake' bottle, it was nearly empty. His eye shifted to the papers on the desk. "Hm?" He made a trade, the bottle for the papers.

He listened to the sounds of Iruka in the kitchen. The pad of his bare feet on hardwood floor, the opening and closing of a cupboard, the running of the water faucet.

He leaned against the desk, open eye scanning over the papers he picked up.

Iruka's feet came to a sudden stop in the doorway.

Kakashi didn't look up. He kept reading. "Ruka-kun, what's this?"

Iruka rushed forward. His glass of water slipping out of his hand to land on the coffee table as he moved past.

Kakashi was quicker, stepping to the side and avoiding the teacher's grab for the papers. He looked at him with a quirked brow. "Hmm?"

"That's- It's my journal," Iruka answered.

Kakashi's face became blank, he did it on purpose. Iruka couldn't read him and he knew it. "Is it? Strange, it's dated last week," he let his tone convey his amusement.

Iruka's cheeks started to darken. "Just- I was- give them back."

Kakashi moved out of the way of another lunge. He was now standing between the couch and small table. "It's written like a report," Kakashi noticed, looking down again. "I know you like your reports, sensei, but this is something else."

Iruka dropped his head. He sighed, Kakashi was smart enough to see though any excuses, and he wasn't as good a liar as the situation called for. "It is, a report I mean. The Hokage asked for it."

"This?" Kakashi waved the papers.

"I- She demanded it be detailed!" Iruka defended.

"I'm not sure this is what she meant," Kakashi looked back over the writing. "You write almost as well as Jiraiya-sama."

"This isn't one of your novels!" Iruka argued.

Kakashi quirked a brow, cleared his throat, and started reading. "That night he held me while I cried. When the tears stopped and my eyes still stung he kissed me through his mask and pulled me over him. I was sad and empty and Kakashi filled me."

Iruka's cheeks were bright red. "I meant emotionally!"

Kakashi just looked back at him humorously. "I know exactly what you meant, sensei." He let the other man yank the papers out of his hand, tossing them up in defeat.

Iruka walked back to his desk, slipping them into a drawer, mumbling about the perverted jonin.

"Why did the Hokage ask for a report on us?" Kakashi asked. He reached down, picking up Iruka's glass of water to have a drink.

Iruka sighed he didn't think he had to point out the man's own shot-comings to him. He was sure they were both aware of their emotional failings. "She's looking out for the best interest for the village. I could be a- distraction to you."

Kakashi didn't like that. "And if she finds that you are?"

Iruka's eyes drifted to the bookshelf. One arm held the other across his bare chest. He didn't have to say it, Kakashi could read him so clearly, still his voice came out, "I'll follow orders."

Kakashi set the glass back down and walked towards him. "I probably won't."

"Yes you will," Iruka argued softly. He was staring at the pale chest, watching him breathe and move, the scars of different battles like a map. "You're a better shinobi than that."

Kakashi didn't say anything. Iruka was right. He wanted to say he'd defy orders for him. He wanted to be that kind of man, but he knew he wasn't. He imagined how Naruto would react to being told he couldn't be with someone he loved on the Hokage's orders. He'd yell and shout, challenge the whole system and storm off defiantly. Kakashi would just bow his head and accept whatever his Hokage told him to, as he always did. He and Iruka were dutiful to the end.

He slid his arms around the tan man's waist. He could have Iruka now though, as much as he wanted. And he just wanted to touch him. He liked touching him.

Iruka didn't have many scars, he wasn't as battle worn as Kakashi. Iruka didn't know war, he had been young enough to escape the last one. He knew peace time missions, and though they were sometimes filled with just as much danger they weren't as heavy somehow. Now he was a member of the regular forces, he barely left the village walls.

Kakashi liked that, knowing where Iruka was while he was out in the field. He actually was pretty aware of where Iruka was at all times. He was a predictable man.

He leaned down to Iruka's ear. "Let's go clean up, hm?"

When he stepped back Iruka was blushing as if he'd forgotten what had happened on his couch just minutes ago.

Kakashi tipped his head back into the spray of water with a pleased breath.

It was late, he knew it was, but he didn't have a mission and Iruka was indulging him. He didn't feel guilty about keeping the teacher up.

He held Iruka tighter, the heat of the water mixing nicely with the heat of their bodies.

Iruka leaned into the shower with a soft sigh. His brown hair clung to his shoulders.

Kakashi's hands slid down his back, tracing the scar left behind by the large shuriken.

Out of all Iruka's scars it was the worst, and the one he was most proud of. He had earned it saving Naruto's life, he would do it all again if he had to.

Kakashi moved forward, pressing their chests together.

Iruka hummed, his eyes still closed. One opened when Kakashi's hands reached their destination, curling around his ass and pulling him closer. "I thought we were in here to get clean."

"We can stay clean if we stay in here," Kakashi pointed playfully.

Iruka had been in a strange mood all night. From holding his hand in the tea shop to being sad about the possibility of having to end their relationship. A few weeks ago he wouldn't have flinched, something's changed in his heart.

Iruka smiled, leaning into the other man, "you're logic is flawless."

"Usually is," Kakashi said, smiling. His fingers rolled against Iruka's most intimate places. The teacher sighed in his arms and he felt the beginning of an erection against his thigh. He aimed for the place on Iruka's neck free of wet strands and kissed the warm skin. "Can I have you, Ruka-kun?"

Iruka shuddered. He was staring up at the shower head, watching the water and steam. Kakashi's fingers kept moving against him cautiously, questioningly, asking for permission.

Iruka nodded. He felt his body melting against the jonin. "I'm yours." He wanted to say in more ways than one. He wanted to tell Kakashi everything he had considered and reconsidered in his absence but the words didn't sound right in his head, and he doubted they'd be any better out loud.

Iruka found himself with his forearms braced against the shower wall. He opened his eyes to see Kakashi's hand drifting down his chest. He chewed his bottom lip, watching as it began to stroke him to the rhythm of their swaying hips.

Kakashi's chest pressed against his back, kissing his shoulder. The warm spray of water cascaded down their thighs.

Kakashi's pace quickened. Iruka was trapped between the jonin and the wall, unable to do anything but rock back and cry out. His fingers curled against the cool tile, panting the other man's name. "Kashi- I'm- I'm-"

"Me too." Kakashi moved back. His eyes traveled down the tan back, over the marred flesh and lower, watching himself disappearing into the other man's body again and again.

His eyes slid closed, knitted tightly, he collapsed against Iruka, resting his forehead between his shoulders. His hips stilled, flush against Iruka's.

They both shuddered and came.

Kakashi slid back again. His hands moved over Iruka's hips and down, caressing the ass he was still buried in.

The red sharingan took in the image as he pulled out.

He held himself there, the head of his pulsing erection against Iruka's entrance. He had unlocked all the secrets the body before him had to offer and he loved them all.

The water moved between them, rinsing away the evidence that had been inside Iruka. It was a better sight than Kakashi could have imagined.

His length twitched in his hand and against Iruka.

Iruka dropped his arm and turned to look behind him, finally catching his breath. He felt his face heating up with embarrassment, seeing the sharingan locked on his backside. His eyes drifted down to see Kakashi absently starting to stroke himself.

Iruka let out a laugh and put his forehead back against the wall, exhausted. "It's a good thing I've never been on your squad."

Kakashi looked up at the back of his head. His hand fell away from himself. "Hm?"

"I don't have the stamina to keep up with you," Iruka laughed again.

Kakashi smiled. He closed his left eye and stepped back, giving the other man back some room. They took turns rinsing one more time before the water started running cold.

Iruka turned the taps, shutting the shower off. He stepped out, handing Kakashi a spare towel before making quick work of running his own through his hair and then tying it around his waist.

He crossed his room to his dresser, finding a pair of clean boxers. He heard Kakashi's bare feet behind him. "You should consider leaving a change of clothes here for when you spend the night," he suggested.

"Am I allowed to spend the night?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka suddenly remembered their last serious conversation about their relationship. He hadn't told him he'd changed his mind. They hadn't said anything of meaning all night.

He spun around to see the jonin sitting on his bed. Iruka started walking towards him. He realized they had to talk about this, leaving things unsaid wasn't working anymore.

When Iruka was close enough Kakshi grabbed for his hand pulling him even closer. He realized where this evening was heading and he didn't like it.

Iruka avoided hurt by keeping busy, staying organized, and sticking to a routine. Kaksahi kept his away by force. Trying to have a conversation like the one he could feel Iruka stirring up wasn't going to be easy.

He held the academy instructor by the back of the neck and tilted his chin up, determined to kiss Iruka out of his analytical thoughts.

What they were or weren't, who knew and who didn't, these things didn't matter. Kakashi had realized he loved the other man some time ago. The thought scared him at first so he pushed it down with all the other feelings he had, but every time they were together it got harder to ignore.

Iruka made him happy, a feeling so foreign he still wasn't sure what to do with it. Watching Naruto embrace the world with an open heart and sharing comradery with everyone was teaching him though, and Naruto had learned it from this man.

Kakashi shifted over on the bed, putting Iruka's body between his legs. The hand that had been on Iruka's waist found the tan fingers that had been holding his shoulder, moving them down to his outer thigh, still covered by the towel.

Kakashi moved back from the kiss. His free hand trailing down Iruka's side until finding his hip, pulling their lower bodies closer together.

Brown eyes dropped down, looking at their position.

Kakashi saw his mouth open, about to say something. He quickly moved forward again. He was done talking. He wanted Iruka.

Cautiously, almost as if testing, Iruka's hands slid down the jonin's legs, pushing his knees further apart before moving back up under the towel. The loose knot started to give way without protest.

Kakashi fell back onto his elbows, his breath already quickening.

Iruka's eyes scanned his body. Kakashi could sense his nervousness. "Have you ever topped before?"

Iruka's cheeks turned red and his head shook. "Have you ever-" The words got stuck out of embarrassment.

Kakashi grinned with a small laugh, "a very long time ago."

Iruka looked down again. Kakashi realized Iruka wasn't seeing him anymore, he was thinking. Probably asking himself what he should do, what he should say. Kakashi waited.

"Do you want me to…" his voice trailed off, meeting Kakashi's single dark eye.

"I'm yours." His voice came out darker than he had intended.

Iruka was on him suddenly. Lips crashed against his, a tongue slipping past his guard. He gave Iruka control and slid further onto the mattress so he could warp his arms around the chunin's shoulders.

One of Iruka's hands pushed Kakashi's towel out of the way, leaving the man naked and bared beneath him. While his tongue was continuing to test this new taste of dominance he made quick work of untucking his own covering from his waist, letting it fall around his ankles.

Sensitive flesh met and Kakashi's head dropped back with a moan.

Iruka stepped back, holding Kakashi's hips from moving up again. "Hold on."

Kakashi sat up on one side, watching Iruka walk to his nightstand. He opened the drawer moved some things around, and came back.

Kakashi braced a heel into the metal bedframe, pushing himself further onto the bed, and creating what he knew would be an even more enticing image for the other man.

He could still sense Iruka's nervousness and second thoughts. "Iruka," he breathed his name, trying to get him closer.

Iruka swallowed. One hand was back on Kakashi's leg, trailing up it, pausing on his thigh. "You're sure?"

Kakashi hooked his leg around the teacher's waist, smiling up at him.

Iruka smiled back before leaning down again.

The kiss started gentle, Iruka still reserved and unsure, waiting for the other man to change his mind the closer their bodies got. Kakashi reached up holding damp brown hair and moving his tongue against Iruka's spurring him on.

He knew it would take some coaxing to get the teacher outside his comfort zone but the longer it drug on the more impatient he was getting. "Iruka," he moved up to the man's ear, "you can put them in."

Iruka's face was red, his voice tight, "I- I don't want to hurt you."

Kakashi moved his hand down Iruka's arm. "I know." His grip on Iruka's wrist guided it forward, slick fingers pushed inside him. Silver hair hit the mattress as Kakashi's head fell back with a soft groan. He lost hold of Iruka's forearm, moving back up to his shoulder. He felt the muscles move as Iruka's fingers slid in and out of him. Kakashi panted, keeping his eyes closed, unable to focus on one at a time anymore.

He felt Iruka's lips on his face. Kissing his brow, his cheek, his nose. He pushed in a third finger. A mouth found his, a tongue worked to distract him. Kakashi moaned against him.

He wasn't a stranger to pain, how to breathe through it. Iruka knew that but he wasn't about to be the cause of Kakashi's discomfort either. He took his time, he went slow, giving him time to adjust. "Ruka," Kakashi panted.

Iruka withdrew his fingers partly before pushing them back in. Kakashi arched and groaned, his whole body tensing. He dropped his head to the side, mismatched eyes staring at the wall of Iruka's bedroom.

Iruka repeated the action making the man under him shudder, his breath falling out in a soft, "yes," as if his body's prayers had been answered.

Iruka placed kisses down his neck as he shifted over him. He withdrew his fingers and pulled Kakashi's hips over his legs. He looked up, Kakashi nodded. His eyes closed, fingers squeezed Iruka's shoulder.

The chunin let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Kakashi started moving against him and Iruka followed his lead, grunting, panting, moaning. "Oh- ah, that feels good, you feel good."

"Ruka," Kakashi moaned. His eyes squeezed tight. Iruka's thrusts got rougher. He had no control anymore. Kakashi had never lost himself so completely. His hands dropped from the tan body. One fist curled in the chunin's bed sheets, his hips ridding out his third orgasm of the evening.

Iruka groaned over him, hips against Kakashi's, dropping his forehead onto man's chest.

They stayed like that a while, panting hard, until Iruka shifted. He held Kakashi gently, letting him sway his hips as needed to ease any discomfort.

Iruka collapsed on the bed beside the jonin, still panting. He swallowed to catch his breath and turned his head expecting to see Kakashi in a similar state. Instead he watched as the man pushed himself up and off the bed. He disappeared into the light of the bathroom. Iruka sat up, fetching his boxers from his dresser and wondering if he could find a pair for Kakashi.

His hips were a little wider than the other man's, so they'd be a little big. He set the plain blue underwear on the foot of the bed and in the darkness of his room, he waited for the man to come back. "Are you okay?" There was genuine concern in his voice, and maybe a little guilt.

"Yeah," Kakashi's voice drawled dismissively. He eyed the boxers on the bed. Iruka nodded. Kakashi pulled them on, they weren't quite right but they'd do. He laid back in bed, pulling Iruka with him.

Iruka resisted, "there's painkillers downstairs. I can-"

"I'm fine," Kakashi said sternly. His hand on Iruka's shoulder guided him to lay beside him in the small bed.

Iruka put his head on Kakashi's shoulder. They were quiet a long moment. Kakashi could feel Iruka's concern but he was fine just lying there, letting his body recover. He'd be alright by morning.

"We don't really know a whole lot about each other, do we?" Iruka said suddenly.

"Hm?" Kakashi hummed back curiously. Both of his eyes still closed but eyebrows raised.

"I realized that the other day," he said quietly.

"Well, what do you want to know?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka sat up on his elbow. "Really? You'll tell me anything?"

"No, I asked what you wanted to know," Kakashi replied.

"Oh." Iruka sounded disheartened.

Kakashi didn't like hurting the teacher's feelings. There were something they needed to talk about he supposed but talking wasn't something he enjoyed. "Let's make it a game." He held up a finger to explain the rules. "We can ask each other anything and the other has to answer, but you have to answer your own question too."

Iruka nodded, that seemed fair. "And if I don't want to answer your question?"

"You don't have to," Kakashi held up a second finger, suggesting that was the second rule. Then he turned his palm up and shrugged, "but I don't have to either."

"Have you played this game before?" Iruka asked suspiciously.

"Yes." He tilted his head towards Iruka, looking expectantly.

"No," he said flatly.

"See, easy, we've already started. I'll let you go again because that first one didn't count," he offered.

Iruka thought a moment. He supposed he should ask something easy, since anything he asked he also had to answer. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-eight."

"Twenty-five."

"Now it's my turn." Kakashi paused to think. He actually knew quite a lot about Iruka already just from being observant and there were certain things about himself he didn't want Iruka to know. "Who's your best friend?"

"I guess Izumo."

"Gai."

Kakashi expected this to get boring. He started thinking of less innocent questions that would have no consequence to himself when Iruka took his turn again. "When did you lose your virginity?"

A sex question from Umino Iruka? This wouldn't be boring at all. "Fourteen."

"Sixteen."

"Man or woman?" Kakashi asked back.

Iruka was turning red. "Woman."

"Man."

Iruka blinked at him.

"It's your turn," Kakashi reminded.

Iruka wanted a follow up but didn't want to give one himself. Maybe that'd be best left alone for now. "How many people have you dated?"

"Dated? Just you. Slept with, five," he said simply.

"Three," Iruka shared, "including you."

"When was your last relationship before me?" Kakashi asked.

"Three years before. You," Iruka reminded.

"A year," Kakashi answered. "Your turn again."

Iruka pushed himself up to look down at Kakashi. He'd been wanting to ask the other man this question for a while but too afraid to answer it himself. If he had that courage now though Kakashi would have to answer. "Have you-" he had to make sure he worded it right, "Do you prefer men?"

"You want to ask that?" Kakashi responded. He knew Iruka was insecure about his sexuality, he wasn't going to make this about that. Iruka nodded, committed more to his answer than wanting to know Kakashi's. Sometimes things had to be said out loud. "I don't," Kakashi answered.

"I do."

"I know." Kakashi pulled him back down while leaning up to kiss him. Iruka worried too much about what other people thought. There wasn't a reason to be so scared about admitting who you were.

After Iruka laid his head back on Kakashi's shoulder with a sigh the jonin grinned. "My turn again." He hummed as if thinking although he already knew what to ask. "Did you like being on top or bottom more?"

Iruka's eyes went wide and face turned red. He snapped his head up to see the amused face of the copy-nin looking back. "I'm not answering that," he said defiantly.

"Then I'm not either," Kakashi said.

"What?" Iruka was suddenly surprised, "wait, are you saying you like- No you're trying to trick me."

Kakashi smiled smugly as if to say Iruka would never know.

"You like being on bottom more?"

"No, actually I prefer to top. It is nice every once in a while though," Kakashi answered and then looked at Iruka expectantly.

Iruka's mouth fell open. "Damn you!"

"You have to answer your own question, sensei," Kakashi pointed.

"Who have you played this with before?" Iruka shouldn't have even accept this. Kakashi had the advantage in too many ways, he should have seen this coming.

Kakashi poked the tan shoulder, "ah, one question at a time. It's still your turn."

Iruka paused. Kakashi wouldn't let this go. Even if he said they were done playing the jonin would hold it over his head. He could see it now, "we can't play games with Iruka-sensei, he cheats." Damn him. He sighed. Iruka's eyes looked across Kakashi's pale shoulders to his dresser on the other side of the room. "I liked being on top but I- I like the other way more."

"There's nothing shameful in that," Kakashi ran his hand over the teacher's arm. "You don't have to be so embarrassed, Iruka."

Iruka closed his eyes with another tense sigh. "I know."

Kakashi looked down at the man at his side. He curled his arm around him tighter, bringing him closer. Iruka welcomed it, laying his head on Kakashi's chest, his fingers on the pale stomach absently tracing old scars.

Kakashi's dark eye drifted up to the ceiling. In the darkness of Iruka's bedroom, at whatever hour in the early morning, with the chunin relaxed in his arms he dipped his chin and craned his neck to kiss the top of Iruka's head, "I love you."

Iruka was quiet, staring at his dresser until long after the jonin fell asleep.


	9. Following Orders

Iruka was never one to fidget. He knew he had some nervous tells sure, but standing in front of the Hokage with her eyes on the papers he had handed her, he couldn't keep his hands still.

Tsunade's face was blank, her eyes moving over the words. Her brow was only slightly worried, concentrating, as if reading any other run-of-the-mill mission report.

Finally she passed it to Shizune, eyes closed in thought.

Shizune's face flushed almost as soon as her eyes started reading.

Iruka wanted to disappear. His finger ran over the end of his thumb. His nails were getting long, he should trim them soon. Maybe he should just bite them down now.

"You're dismissed," the Hokage said suddenly.

Iruka's eyes jumped back to her. Tsunade's face was unreadable. Her eyes still closed and brow still tense. She wasn't happy though, there was no good news behind that expression.

Iruka's chest felt tight. Was she going to tell them to end it? It's what she was considering. He had to make a plea to her. "Hokage-sama, I-"

"I said go, Iruka."

"Y-yes," Iruka bowed low. He was respectful, he was dutiful, he was a shinobi of the hidden leaf, and would continue to be.

Teaching classes the next day was almost unbearable. Kakashi had left early in the morning with a squad of his former students and Yamato. There was no one to unburden himself with this worry that had settled in his chest.

She wouldn't order them to stop seeing each other. The Hokage was gentle hearted, passionate and strong, but not malicious. She knew matters of love and heartache and cared for every soul in the village. It was her job to protect them. It was her job to make the hard decisions that would best protect the village.

They were a compromise to the structure. Their relationship was over.

He was barely able to hold himself together through his mission's shift. Iruka caught worried glances from more than one comrade. _"They aren't oblivious,"_ Kakashi's voice reminded him.

He pushed the worry from his mind and forced himself to smile until the end of his shift. He got home shortly after sunset and was able to get all his students' exams graded with the individual comments in the margins for encouragement.

None of his students were bad, he felt. Some just had natural talent and excelled. Others needed opportunity and support. The will of fire was in their hearts somewhere.

He set aside the papers and turned out the lights as he headed up the stairs.

When his alarm went off in the morning his day started again, the way it always was. He showered and dressed, picked up his students' graded work and went out the door.

When he walked into his classroom he was surprised to see Ebisu standing at his desk. "Oh, can I help you, Ebisu-sensei?"

The man adjusted his tinted glasses, "I should be asking you that, Iruka-san."

Iruka blinked, "huh?" This was clearly his classroom.

"Hokage's orders," Ebisu said, "I'm to fill in for your classes today."

"Really?" Iruka asked.

Ebisu passed him a scroll. It had the official seal and everything. He was to take the day off and stay at home. It didn't say why, but he could assume.

She'd reached a decision.

"Here are their last exams, please go over them," Iruka set the stack on his desk. The man nodded.

When Iruka got back to his home he stood quietly in his hallway, greeted by the silence of an empty apartment.

The faucet in the kitchen dripped, the clock in the living room ticked. Papers and books on ninja techniques, sparring etiquette, and lesson plans were on nearly every surface.

Maybe he could spend some time cleaning before being summoned to the Hokage's office to have his heart broken.

He was reorganizing his kitchen cupboards when he thought he heard a knock. He stepped down of the chair, waiting. "Be right there!" Iruka called to the second knocking on his door. So he hadn't just been hearing things.

He had sort of expected something since the Hokage had ordered him to stay home but he was sure it wouldn't be a home visit.

He opened the door, his heart dropping into his stomach seeing the scarred face of Ibiki looking back.

The man offered a kind smile and a polite wave. "Hello, Iruka-san, may we come in?"

Iruka looked past him to see Inoichi standing with his arms crossed, looking down the street. He stepped aside, letting them in, and closing the door after them.

They stood in his hallway. Ibiki continuing to smile, Inoichi's eyes starting to move about the apartment.

"How about some afternoon tea, Iruka?" Ibiki prompted.

"Oh," he'd forgotten his manners in his fear, "um, yes." He walked past them into the kitchen.

"Were you cleaning, sensei?"

"I was," Iruka said quickly. "I thought since I had the day off I would do some chores."

"May I?" Ibiki put a hand on a chair at the table.

Iruka nodded, he should have told his guest to sit before they asked. He set the kettle on the stove for the water to boil.

His chest felt tight and hands shook as he prepared the leaves.

When he turned he saw the interrogations officer sitting relaxed at his table, one leg rested on the other, as if nothing was amiss.

Iruka's heart was in his throat.

"Have a seat," Ibiki offered friendly enough. "I'm sure the kettle will do what it's supposed to, sensei."

Iruka let his feet drift to the table. Every nerve in his body was aware of the two men in his apartment, their positions in the village, and their reputations.

Iruka became focused on Inoichi walking into his living room.

"You seem nervous," Ibiki caught his attention again.

"Y-yes," Iruka answered.

"You know, I really don't like being here," he said. "You're a Leaf shinobi, a comrade."

Iruka understood what he was saying. Ibiki would treat him with respect, give him all the opportunity to answer honestly before relying on interrogation tactics. Iruka let himself relax some.

"I don't really know why you're here," Iruka said. He had given the Hokage his report, what more could she need?

Ibiki sighed. "You've put our Hokage in a difficult position. She needs to decide what's best not only for the village but for her shinobi as well."

Iruka turned his head when he heard the stairs creak. Inoichi was investigating his apartment.

"You've failed to give her the information she needs."

Iruka snapped back to the conversation happening in his kitchen. "I've told her everything," Iruka defended.

Ibiki sighed. "You're holding back, Iruka."

"No I'm- Well, somethings maybe."

"That's why we're here."

"But- she doesn't need to know everything," Iruka insisted. The kettle started to whistle. Iruka got up to make their tea.

"It's safe to assume she does."

"No." He was getting angry. This didn't happen to other couples. It wasn't abnormal for ninja to date other ninja. Why did he have to be scrutinized? It's not like they were pressing Kakashi for information. Was it because he was so much weaker than him?

Ibiki turned in his chair. "Iruka-"

"No, I told her everything she needs to know," he objected, "if that's not good enough then-"

"Then we'll get the information from you."

"What do you need to know then?" His tone was still angry. His hands started shaking, he had to set the kettle back down. "How his hair smells, what side of the bed he sleeps on, how he likes his tea?"

Ibiki sighed again. "Forget the tea, Iruka, have a seat." His voice was sterner, losing the friendly tone.

Iruka felt himself getting warm, he wouldn't be disrespected and judged in his own house. "What do you need to know so damn badly?"

Ibiki was quiet. The floors creaked as Inoichi stepped into the kitchen. Iruka watched them exchange a look.

Ibiki nodded. "Iruka, sit down." It was no longer an offer, it was an order.

Iruka's anger was quickly replaced by fear again. "No…"

Ibiki closed his eyes in a slow thoughtful blink. "Why are you nervous?" His voice was one of concern. "We're just here to talk. I'm not even going to write anything down." As if to prove it he pulled his hands from his coat pocket.

Iruka walked towards the table. "I- I don't like people knowing my private life."

"Who does," Ibiki smiled back.

Iruka sighed and fell into the chair. "Okay, what do you need to know?"

"The Hokage said you and Kakashi have been seeing each other for years now," Inoichi said.

Iruka nodded.

"Why is there nothing here of his?" he asked.

Iruka looked up at him. That was a strange thing to ask. "I don't know what-"

"You are sleeping together," Ibiki pointed.

Iruka felt his face blushing. "Y-yes…"

"He spends a lot of time here?" he asked.

Iruka nodded.

"Do you have belongings at his place?"

"I've never been to Kakashi's apartment. He was going to make dinner for me once but we got into an argument."

"Do you fight often?"

"No, that was the first," Iruka answered.

"May I?" Inoichi touched the kettle Iruka had been interrupted pouring.

Iruka nodded. The Yamanaka poured their tea.

"What was the fight about?" Ibiki asked.

"He told Gai-sensei we're dating."

"Iruka, you're aware Kakashi's sexuality has been on record for years," he shared, "The Hokage unsealed both of your files for me."

"Really?"

"The ANBU conducted thorough psychological evaluations of each member."

Iruka nodded, that made sense. Inoichi set down a cup of tea for the teacher, Iruka thanked him.

"Kakashi's last evaluation had him listed as unfit for civilian interaction. The Third ignored this, seeing potential in Kakashi. We're here to protect you, Iruka," Ibiki said seriously.

Iruka gapped at him. "H- how long ago was the assessment?"

"Months before he was relieved back to jonin."

"Then it's no longer accurate," Iruka said confidently. "He isn't a danger to me or anyone else."

"No?" Ibiki asked. "I read the report you gave the Hokage. Detached would be a kind word for the way he treated you."

"It's not like that anymore," Iruka defended. "He changed since Asuma died."

Ibiki nodded to Inoichi. "You understand we can't just take your word for it."

The Yamanaka walked towards him.

Iruka suddenly couldn't breathe.

"Relax."

Before Iruka knew what was happening, he was in the jutsu.

_"You really are a type-a personality, aren't you, sensei."_ He could hear Inoichi's voice in his head. _"Everything's so organized. Let's try this one."_

Memories flooded Iruka's unconscious; flashing, rolling like a scroll tossed down a flight of stairs. All these memories contained a singular theme, relationships. Images of Naruto, his students, his friends, comrades, people smiling and laughing, some crying and dressed in black. _"I'm sorry, Iruka, this just isn't working,"_ a girl said sadly.

_"Oh, okay,"_ Iruka said back dumbly, not sure what to say when someone broke up with you.

Then there was a man's face close to his, the sounds of their kiss fading into panting. _"I've never kissed a man before,"_ Iruka said quietly.

"You seemed to like it." Iruka watched his lips as he spoke and then his eyes slid closed as they got closer.

Images continued more and more of friends and students, less of the intimate nature. Then at the very end of the scroll, the very last image was of Kakashi standing in front of the memorial stone bathed in golden yellow sunset. He looked up at Iruka and tilted his head, closing his eye in a smile.

"Hm," Inoichi mused, spiraling out another scroll labeled love.

Ibiki watched a tear slip down the chunin's cheek. He sighed and sipped his tea. "Inoichi."

The man holding Iruka's forehead didn't look up. "I know."

_"Mom!"_ Iruka's small voice said happily. The woman's face was smiling as she bent down towards him. Then his view of the world became taller as he was lifted. His father's voice was beside him, a hand ruffled his hair.

_"I'm sorry, Iruka,"_ Inoichi's voice echoed over the joyful noise of his memories.

The scroll kept going. The memories of his parents disappeared, replaced by his students and friends. He watched as Naruto slurped down a bowl of ramen. Izumo and Kotetsu laughed between shots of sake'.

_"I love you, Iruka."_

The whirlwind of memories stopped so Inoichi could observe.

The room was dark. A clock ticked on the nightstand. The pale chest at the edge of Iruka's vision rose and fell with soft breathes. He stared past the skin of a shoulder, at the Leaf poster above his dresser.

_"I know."_ The words sounded quiet in Iruka's voice. The sheets shifted the noise of fabric moving stilled. Iruka's eyes closed.

Inoichi ended the jutsu.

Iruka dropped his face into his hands as the man stepped back. He listened to the sound of sandals on his hardwood floor and the tick of the clock in the living room, the drip of the faucet. He rubbed the heel of his hand against his eyes.

"We've got what we needed," Ibiki said. His chair moved back. He stood up.

"I should have said it back," Iruka said quickly looking up at the blond man.

The interrogation officers paused.

"Please," Iruka's throat felt tight, "tell the Hokage I- I love him."

Ibiki closed his eyes and dropped his chin. Finally, he smiled at the academy instructor. "That's what we needed to hear."

Inoichi had a similar look. "Thank you, Iruka." Iruka blinked and gapped at them, fear and anxiety falling out of him. The Hokage sent the two men to find out if he and Kakashi were in love. "She'll be pleased."

"It's safe to assume you can continue your relationship with Kakashi-sensei."

"T-thank you," Iruka wasn't sure what to say. He walked the two men out of his apartment and closed the door behind them.

He fell against it with a sigh.


	10. Somber News

"Iruka."

Iruka looked up from the chalkboard, turning to the ninja at his classroom window. "I'm in the middle of a lesson." He gestured to the students with his arm holding the book he was copying from.

"It's Naruto," Kakashi said.

Iruka's face fell, his worst fears being realized. The body of his mother wearing Naurto's face.

Kakashi caught the book before it hit the floor. Iruka felt himself leaving the classroom. He leaned against the wall, remembering how to breathe again. "What happened?"

"I didn't mean to scare you." Kakashi's hand was on his shoulder.

"Is he alright?" Iruka asked.

"He's with the Hokage now. The real me is with him," Kakashi shared.

"You're a shadow clone," Iruka concluded. Kakashi's clone nodded. There wasn't many reasons this would be happening. Someone close to Naruto's been killed. He thought the worst, Sakura, Sasuke, any of his former students. "Who?" He asked simply, knowing Kakashi's clone would know what he meant.

"Jiraiya-sama."

"No..." he breathed. Naruto would be crushed.

"I'm worried," Kakashi went on.

Iruka could hear his students on the other side of the wall. They weren't sitting quietly in their seats anymore. It was almost the end of their school day. Any minute now the bell would ring.

"The nine-tail's seal is weakening. If he loses it-"

"I know," Iruka said.

The final bell rang. Kakashi took a step back as students poured into the hall. Other teachers saw the looks on their faces and knew better than to interrupt.

The door to Iruka's classroom opened. "Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka smiled at the pre-genin. "You're dismissed. No homework tonight."

The boy relayed the message to his classmates loudly before running off so the teacher couldn't change his mind.

"He won't confide in you," Iruka told the clone.

He nodded. Kakashi and Naruto's relationship wasn't at all like Naurto's and Iruka's. Kakashi was a teacher he respected, but mostly disagreed with. Iruka was more like a brother or father figure, their bond was deeper. It was what Naruto needed right now.

"I'll talk to him," Iruka said. He was willing to take the burden of Naruto's pain, the way he took Kakashi's for him.

"Iruka," Kakashi stepped towards him. The halls were empty again. His hand slipped behind the teacher's neck and saw what was happening but didn't react. He was pulled against the clone's chest, the masked face over his shoulder. "No one knows just how much you care."

"You do," Iruka said back.

Kakashi's clone smiled behind his mask, stepping back, before disappearing.

Iruka found the teen wandering the street on his way home.

Even from a distance he could see his pain. Nauro's stride was slow, his head bowed. Iruka's heart broke for him. He needed to help Naruto out of this depressed slump. What would Naruto do for him?

"Yo! Naruto," Iruka smiled, placing himself in his path. "I hear you've been real active on missions and stuff. Everyone in the village is talking about you. Let's go somewhere and catch up! How about Ichiraku for some ramen?"

"No thanks…" Naruto said sadly, slipping his hands into his pockets. He stepped around Iruka continuing on.

Iruka's false smile faded. His arm fell to his side. Naruto's hurt was all too familiar. He turned watching him walk away. He wanted to reach out to him but he wasn't sure how.

A body came to a stop besides him. Iruka looked over, though he already knew it was Kakashi. Without exchanging a single word they started walking.

Iruka listened to the noise of the village around them and the sounds of their steps falling into sync. When Kakashi turned, he turned, he followed him to a building he knew of but had never visited.

Shinobi who were often on missions didn't have much of a home life. Those without families, which was a majority, rented apartments that were owned by the village itself. If one failed to come back it was other shinobi that went through the belongings, not villagers in case something classified was where it shouldn't be. It was also easier on them for financial reasons. Rent wasn't due the first of every month. It was based on a ninja's missions and role in the village.

Kakashi's apartment was small and mostly bare. He had a kitchen, a table with only one chair, a sofa, a few pictures, and a potted plant. Iruka could see through a doorway to a bedroom but turned back to the man locking the door.

Iruka watched him. The apartment was plain, simpler than his, but it was Kakashi's. He had let him in. This wasn't about sex, he wasn't using him as a coping mechanism, it was more than that.

Kakashi stepped towards him, one hand moving down his mask. He reached towards Iruka, the way his clone had in the academy hallway.

Iruka met him half way but dropped his head, stopping the anticipated kiss in favor of pressing his forehead against the other man's. "I love you," the words fell out of him in a way that he wasn't sure if had actually said them, just thought them.

A gloved hand slid behind the collar of his vest to hold his neck under his chin. He moved back, tilted Iruka up, and pressed his lips to his.

Iruka's hands latched onto the front of jonin's flak jacket. He poured himself into that kiss, worried he hadn't said anything or that Kakashi hadn't heard him.

"I love you," he said again.

Kakashi turned his head to the side and kissed him harder. His fingers opened the chunin's uniform and pushed it off his shoulders.

Iruka dropped his arms, the heavy material fell without protest.

Kakashi's body moved against his. One hand held the side of a tan face, the other the teacher's waist.

Iruka fell onto the sofa. He clung to the jonin pulling him with him. Kakashi kissed his cheek, his nose, his neck.

"I love you," he said again, desperate for an answer.

"I love you too, Iruka," Kakashi whispered against his ear.

Iruka curled his arms around the man, holding his chest to his, resting his head on his shoulder. They stayed like that, holding each other with soft kisses on the jonin's couch. Iruka saw the last few minutes of daylight disappear outside the window.

He frowned. "I'm worried about Naruto."

"I know," Kakashi said softly. After one final brush of soft lips he let go. He moved into the kitchen, turning on the lights, placing his vest on the back of the chair at the table.

"How did it happen?" Iruka asked. He wasn't sure if he was even allowed to know, but he figured Kakashi would tell him if he wasn't.

Kakashi opened a cupboard and found a pan, setting it on the stove. Iruka watched him move through his kitchen. "Jiraiya-sama was on a mission I had failed to complete a few years ago."

Iruka understood from just his tone what Kakashi meant. He was blaming himself. Kakashi's back was to him as he continued preparing food.

Iruka moved towards him. "Can you tell me more?"

Kakashi looked over his shoulder at him with a smile. "You really do care too much, Ruka-kun."

Iruka was taken aback for a second. He poked the jonin's shoulder roughly. "I just want to help."

Kakashi looked down at the pan again. "You can't take everyone's pain as your own, sensei."

"I can try," Iruka said softly. He leaned down, kissing the spot he had poked so rudely.

"It was an intelligence mission," Kakashi said, "in the village hidden in the rain. He came across the Akatsuki leader named Pain. He was killed in battle. His summons brought back intel on the leader and a coded message."

"Little exchange for a life."

Kakashi turned his head to look at him. It was a stare Iruka had never seen before. Kakashi's face was blank but it wasn't emotionless.

"What?"

"I can see your heart, Iruka."

He wasn't sure what that meant. His eyes narrowed, earning him a soft chuckle from the jonin and another kiss.

Kakashi moved to find a pair of plates. He set one on the table and then touched the back of his neck sheepishly. "Um, I don't have company often."

Iruka just smiled back at him.

They ate their dinner on Kakashi's coffee table in the living room, sitting on the floor. Afterwards Kakashi started to clean up. Iruka offered to help but he rebuffed him.

Iruka looked around, noticing the organization and cleanliness. It was a contrast to his own home. All the times Kakashi disappeared after sex started to seem more like a pattern.

He never really thought about it. Sex was messy, some people didn't care for that aspect of it. It never bothered Iruka but Kakashi seemed to be one of those people. Iruka paused, he was standing in the middle of a physical manifestation of Kakashi's wounded psyche.

He looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's late," he said passively.

Kakashi set the plates in the drying rack besides the sink and turned. "You can stay if you want."

Iruka looked out the window at the darkness of the village. "I'm worried about Naruto."

"Then go find him," Kakashi said kindly.

"You think I should? He didn't want to talk earlier."

"He might just need to listen," Kakashi walked towards him.

Iruka smiled at him.

The two left Kakashi's, going first to Naruto's apartment. There was no answer at the door. Kakashi came back from around the balcony entrance. "The lights are on but he's not here."

Iruka sighed. This late at night there was no place in the village to go. The only places open were the twenty-four hour convince stores. There was one about a block away where Naruto typically got his groceries. He supposed they could start there but he really didn't think they'd find him.

"You know him better than you think, sensei," Kakashi said, seeing the teen on the bench outside the store, looking out over the village. His head was down, he was holding a popsicle and crying.

Mourning didn't have to make sense to anyone else but the one feeling it.

Iruka walked towards him, stepping into the light of the street lamp. "Naruto…" He sat down on the edge of the bench. He needed him to talk, he and Kakashi had spent their lives repressing and fighting their feelings and little good it did them. He wanted Naruto to express his hurt safely. "I heard about Jiraiya-sama."

"I wanted him to keep watching over me." Naruto rubbed his eyes and then looked down at the ground sadly. "I wanted him to see me become the Hokage. But I only ended up showing Pervy Sage the worst, most un-cool side of me. I was…"

"Lord Jiraiya only had praise for you," Iruka interrupted. Naruto shouldn't be putting himself down, he had no reason to think that way. "He was always boasting about you," Iruka went on. "Saying you were like his own grandchild. He had faith that you were the one who would inherit his will." He looked at the blond sitting next to him. "And truly believed you would one day become a great Hokage. Jiraiya-sama will always watch over you. Even this very minute he's watching from somewhere. He wouldn't be happy seeing you sad like this. So…" Iruka stood looking up at the night sky, unable to see past the glow of the street lamp. "Be your usual self, the one he praised so much." He turned and knelt in front of the teen. "Don't stay depressed forever." He reached for orange the popsicle in his hand. "For Jiraiya-sama himself, one of the Legendary Sannin," he took it from him to break in two, he held a half out to him, "acknowledged you as his promising student."

There was a hint of a smile on Naruto's face as he took it. "Thanks… Iruka-sensei."

They were quiet a while, Naruto's shy smile turning back to his full happy self as he remembered his sensei fondly.

Iruka walked him back to his apartment where he parted with a smile and a promise to get ramen sometime soon.

Kakashi met him as he left the building. They started walking together. The streets were empty, it was the middle of the night. Street lights guided their way.

Kakashi's feet stopped, he turned to Iruka. They stared at each other a second, unasked things in the air. Iruka's lip twitched, unable to keep his face straight any longer, "we're going back to your place aren't we? My vest's there."

Kakashi seemed to chuckle with a small nod and started walking again.


	11. Little Talks

Iruka walked out of the jonin's bedroom stifling a yawn. He was already dressed and had put his hair back in its ponytail. Being in the regular forces had softened him a bit. His survival training wasn't near what it used to be but he could still keep up his appearance without a shower.

Kakashi, he found was an early riser and took his time with his cleaning routine. When he tried to ask about it Kakashi just brushed him off saying that on missions there were no small luxuries so he'd take advantage of them.

"Do you think you'll be going on any missions soon?" Iruka asked carefully over their breakfast.

Kakashi gave half a shrug, "Ma with Naruto in his slump, needing to stay in contact with Lord Jiraiya's summons, and Sakura helping the Hokage while Shizune heads the autopsy I probably will have the next few days off."

"What about your other teammates? I don't know much about them, except what Naruto's told me."

Kakashi cleared their plates as he had done the night before. Iruka watched him walk away wondering if he'd asked the wrong question.

"It's not surprising, you wouldn't know them," Kakashi answered. He trusted Iruka with a lot of things, his face, his heart, his body, but talking about his past meant putting things into words he'd hate to hear out loud. "One is from ANBU and the other from Root."

Iruka's mouth fell open. Two ex-ANBU, a Root member, and Naruto and Sakura were able to not only keep up but be major strengths to the unit. His students had surpassed him more than he had realized. He had barely made it through some of his C-ranked missions when he was in the field.

His eyes drifted to the coffee table. The gap in power and skill was more of a divide. Why was Kakashi with him?

"You're going to be late, sensei," Kakashi stood near him, one hand in his pocket, the other holding out the chunin's flak jacket.

Iruka took it. "Thank you." He slid it on and Kakashi opened the door for them. "W-will you walk me home from the academy later?" Iruka asked. His cheeks were pink and voice filled with nervousness.

Kakashi just grinned behind his mask, leaning closer. "Do you want me to?"

"Yes," Iruka admitted shyly.

"Why's that, sensei?" Kakashi got even closer.

Iruka was very aware of where they were standing. Any second a door in the hallway could open and another shinobi would be a witness to this exchange. His face felt warm, standing sandwiched between the doorjamb and Kakashi, a masked face very close to his own. "I had a good time last night. I like spending time with you."

"I like it too," Kakashi said quietly.

They left the building together but started in opposite directions when they reached the street. Iruka wasn't sure where Kakashi was heading, what he did on his days off, but he was looking forward to spending another evening with him.

Iruka gave his students the assignment that had been interrupted the day before, to which most of them grumbled, expecting to be let off the hook for some reason.

Iruka enjoyed being a teacher. Each one of his students had potential to be great ninjas. Konohamaru's class was quickly climbing in skill and all but Naruto had become chunin from his group.

When lessons were over Iruka supervised the pre-genin with the other teachers as parents ushered them out of the school yard. He waved to his comrades as they too eventually left. He smiled to himself, "Late as always." He walked back into the academy to gather up the assignments that needed graded that night.

When he made to leave he was a little surprised to see Kakashi at the classroom door. "How was class, Ruka-kun?"

"Fine, fine. The usual really." Iruka walked towards him. "I'm sorry I have to get through these. If you want we can make plans for some other-"

Before he could finish Kakashi was pulling the papers from the teacher's hands. He started reading over the paper on top as they walked. "These answers are terrible."

Iruka laughed. "Not everyone can be a genius. Some of us are destined for gate patrol and academy teachers."

"Iruka," Kakashi said in an unamused tone.

Iruka shook him off and opened the door to his apartment. He took the papers back from Kakashi. "I'll get through these and then make us something to eat?"

Kakashi nodded wordlessly. He drifted into Iruka's living room while the teacher made himself comfortable at the kitchen table.

Some time passed in the comfortable silence of the ticking clock and dripping faucet. Iruka wasn't alone in his apartment. There was a body on his couch reading, waiting to spend time with him. He looked up from the students' papers he was grading at his kitchen table. He could just make out the mess of silver hair against the arm of his sofa.

He looked down at the papers again. Having Kakashi in his home, relaxed just feet away, he wanted to be with him. He felt guilty knowing Kakashi wanted the same thing. So he set down his pen and stood up. Kakashi lowered the book and turned his head when footsteps approached him. "Hm? Something wrong?"

"No," Iruka said blankly. He held Kakashi's shoulder and maneuvered into his lap. Kakashi put one arm across the back of the couch. Iruka laid his head on his chest. Kakashi didn't say anything. He didn't ask what was going through Iruka's head, why he was suddenly so clingy. He just quietly raised the book back up to continue reading. "How can you read that trash?" Iruka asked.

"It's not trash. You should give it a try, Ruka-kun," Kakashi answered light-heartedly.

"I'm not attracted to women," Iruka reminded.

"You were once," Kakashi recalled in a teasing way.

Iruka let himself laugh a little remembering the experience. "Try it once to know you don't like it."

Kakashi chuckled. "First times are terrible for everyone."

"Yeah? Is that what you meant when you said a long time ago?" Iruka asked. He had been curious about Kakashi's past experiences, what things he could do to be better for him. Iruka's own experiences had been limited and he was still quite passive when it came to sex.

"Iruka, if you want to play the game you have to tell me first," Kakashi said humorously.

"No, no game." He didn't want a repeat of last time, where Kakashi manipulated him to get the answers he wanted. "Just a conversation. If you don't want to talk about it just say so."

Kakashi reached over to set the book on the small table. "Alright." He paused as if to think about what to say next. "We were in on a mission in the land of waves. It was snowing hard. It was just the two of us, we'd lost our third early on." Kakashi was tense. He didn't like talking like this. He kept going, "he sent a clone he could trace to scout ahead before making us shelter. We couldn't light a fire." Iruka could tell where this was going, he started to feel guilty for asking. "It wasn't romantic, it was survival. If it wasn't for body heat we would have died. It was non-penetrative but it was the first time anyone had touched me that way."

Iruka was quiet a second, being sure Kakashi was done talking. "It was awkward," he shared. "We'd been friends in the academy. She had a crush on me. One day she told me we were dating. I tried. I got her flowers I said the sappy lines. I thought the feeling in my stomach was butterflies. She did everything. It felt good when I closed my eyes. I thought I was just bad at sex."

Kakashi's hands slid down the chunin's back to give his ass a squeeze. "Impossible."

Iruka smiled. "I realized that later… I was part of a four man cell. The mission had been a success but it wasn't because I was of any use. I was more of a burden. We were celebrating with dinks in the small town on the way back. The jonin leader tried to cheer me up. Talked to me about making it an opportunity to focus my training. He walked me home... we dated for a while but it didn't work out. So I thought I was just bad at relationships."

"Then I came along offering one without the other," Kakashi gave his backside another fond grope.

Iruka smiled and nodded. "I do like helping people though."

"I know," Kakashi pulled him up his body, not moving his hands. Iruka blushed moving so sensually against the body below him. Kakashi tilted his chin to kiss him. "It's a good thing you do."

Iruka hummed against the jonin's mouth as he kissed him harder. Kakashi's hands slid around to hold his waist, move him into his lap in a better position, before sliding into Iruka's shirt. They moved up, ghosting over his abdomen, holding his chest before fingers made tracks to find his nipples.

Iruka moved back a little. Putting space between their faces. He held himself up against the couch. He put a hand over Kakashi's through the blue fabric of his shirt. "Do you miss sleeping with women?"

Kakashi let his hands fall back to Iruka's waist. He looked up at him, accessing the moment. Had he done something wrong or was Iruka thinking of something else? He stared blankly, trying to figure out what Iruka wanted to hear, what words would have the best outcome.

Iruka's eyes drifted to the book on his coffee table.

Kakashi understood. "Iruka, I told you I don't have a preference. Besides I choose to be with you. I only want to be with you."

"I only want to be with you too," Iruka admitted through the deep blush on his cheeks.

Kakashi moved up for another kiss.

They were interrupted a second time by a growl from their stomachs. Iruka laughed and stepped off Kakashi. "I'll go make dinner."

"So Naruto's gone to for sage training?" Iruka asked.

"Yea, Fukasaku-sama believes him to be a child of prophesy," Kakashi shared.

Iruka blinked. "N-Naruto?"

Kakashi nodded. "Whether or not it's prophesy, Naruto was Jiraiya's student."

Iruka looked down at his plate.

Kakashi's chair moved. Iruka looked up to see him standing and collecting the dishes, before walking to the sink. "You don't have to do that," Iruka objected.

Kakashi just smiled over his shoulder. "Finish your grading, sensei."

Iruka looked at the stack of papers that had been moved to one end of the table. He took up his pen and placed an ungraded worksheet in front of himself. He listened to the water running and the plates moving in the sink. "After I'm done do you want to go upstairs?" Iruka asked the paper in front of him.

"Hm?" He could practically feel Kakashi's smug grin. "What's upstairs, sensei?"

"There's lots of things," Iruka answered playfully. "A book self, a dresser, a nightstand…"

"A bed?"

"We might find one of those."

Kakashi laughed and Iruka decided he liked the sound of it. They smiled at each other before turning back to their tasks.

Iruka set aside the last paper and got up from his chair, stretching his tired back. Kakashi had put himself back on the couch with his book. "I'm done," Iruka announced, leaning over the couch.

Kakashi tilted his head to look at the chunin upside-down. "Should we go track down that bed?"

"I'm sure a skilled ninja like yourself could find it easily," Iruka moved his fingers through the silver locks against the arm of his couch. They found the blue band of the Leaf hitai-ate that cut across Kakashi's forehead, and pulled it off to look at the scarred face.

Kakashi didn't move, letting Iruka look at him. The book in his hands lowered. "You're skilled too, Iruka," he said suddenly.

Iruka's smile fell but it was replaced with another quickly enough. He bent down, giving the man a chaste kiss. "Let's go upstairs, Kakashi."

"There it is," Kakashi eyed the bed between kisses.

"Knew you'd find it." Iruka pulled his shirt over his head.

Kakashi's gloveless hands moved over his sides, Iruka moved forward finding Kakashi's lips again. Hands held his hips, pulled them against his. The hard heat between their lower bodies met. They both moaned against the kiss. Iruka rolled his hips back to leave enough space for his hands to open the jonin's pants. Kakashi returned the favor.

The blue uniforms pooled on the floor.

Iruka laid down on his white sheets, clad only in his tented shuriken novelty boxers. Kakashi slid in beside him, pulling the warm body flush against his. Iruka's tan legs tangled with his. They rolled against each other, into the delicious friction of cotton fabric.

Kakashi sat up to kiss the teacher's neck. "What do you want, Ruka-kun?"

Iruka moved back, panting. He caught his breath and looked down. "Is this good?"

"Yeah." Kakashi pulled him closer again. One arm was under Iruka's shoulders, the other slid down his side. He found the elastic waistband and pulled it away from Iruka's body.

Iruka panted and rolled into Kakashi's touch. His hand squeezed the jonin's arm, feeling the muscles tense and move as Kakashi stroked him, coaxing him closer and closer to the edge. The mouth on his neck slid to his shoulder, teeth grazed his skin.

With a low moan and a tremor, Iruka was completely undone. He came into the man's hand, against his boxers.

Iruka fell back, he ran his hand through his messy hair, pulling it out of the ponytail that was struggling to keep order. His cheeks were red as he smiled. "S-sorry."

"My fault," Kakashi dismissed. He moved out of the embrace and made to slide off the bed. Iruka quickly grabbed him. He climbed off the bed around him, stopping in front of him. "What are you-"

Before he could ask Iruka fell in front of him. His kissed Kakashi's stomach above the elastic waistband.

Sex was always someone else's game to Iruka. He wasn't inexperienced, he was submissive. He gave up control so easily because he lacked the confidence to keep it himself. Nearly four years he'd been giving himself to the jonin over and over. He'd never wanted to take something until this moment.

The front of Kakashi's boxers grew wet with saliva as Iruka sucked his length though the fabric.

Kakashi groaned above him, his fingers found Iruka's hair as he moved back just enough to free Kakashi from his boxers.

Iruka hollowed his cheeks bobbed his head in Kakashi's lap. His hand curled around the base, stroking him as he moved his tongue against the tip.

Kakashi hissed, hands tightening in brown hair.

Iruka didn't stop. It was his game now, he'd do what he wanted. His eyes squeezed shut, nose buried in coarse hair. Kakashi held the back of his head and cursed under his breath, every tense muscle in his body uncoiling as he came.

Iruka moved back, coughing into his hand.

Kakashi dropped his hand away from him apologetically.

Iruka smiled. "We're even now." He climbed to his feet, finding his knees a little stiff from the hardwood floor. He walked into his bathroom to clean himself up.

He wasn't surprised when Kakashi followed him. It was actually what he wanted.

Whatever germaphobic, obsessive compulsive behavior the jonin had, Iruka wanted to be more aware of it, so he wouldn't accidently trigger it.

He moved aside, drying his hands. He watched Kakashi wash his. There was something almost absent about it, rolling the bar of soap, running under the water, like his mind had turned off and all that there was, was his hands.

"Kakashi…"

Kakashi blinked and looked up. "Hm?"

"You've rinsed your hands eight times now. I think you're clean."

"Oh," he laughed it off and took the towel from Iruka. "Guess I zoned out there."

Iruka walked out of the bathroom and fell into his bed. He closed his eyes feeling tired, spent. His body was relaxed, warm, and comfortable.

The lights turned off and he realized Kakashi would be joining him soon. He listened to his footsteps approach the bed.

They weren't ones for cuddling. Kakashi slept on his back and Iruka tended to roll to his side. He'd rest his head on Kakashi's chest or shoulder for a while and then scoot back once his neck got stiff.

The only time Kakashi ever truly held him was the night of the Third Hokage's funeral.

He had been stoic and quiet. Iruka cried against his chest. They were both hurting, just in different ways.

Kakashi slid into Iruka's bed, his arm snaked under the teacher's neck. Iruka moved to accommodate him. "You're sure your arm won't go numb?"

He had asked him that before, when he realized this would be their usual sleeping arrangement.

"Yeah," Kakashi said quietly.

He seemed tense. Iruka shifted closer, pressing against his side. "Kashi, I'm sorry about earlier. If I made you uncomfortable talking about-… I just want to know more about you. I want to- be good for you."

Kakashi sighed heavily. Iruka worried he'd said the wrong thing again. He was working on a better apology when Kakashi shifted and turned onto his side to face him. Iruka was too stunned to do anything but stare.

"Iruka, it's- I'm not real good with words," his tone lightened and he smiled. He moved closer pressing his forehead to the chunin's. "I love you."

Iruka smiled back. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it crossed over into explicit there a bit. It's sort of a blurry line. I always think the difference is the vivid detail of the "money shot"...


	12. The Rumors

Iruka laughed walking into his kitchen and seeing Kakashi standing at his stove in nothing but a pair of his boxers. "Are those mine?"

Kakashi looked down as if forgetting what he was wearing. He grinned at Iruka. "I like them. Besides mine are dirty."

Iruka blushed remembering what had happened the night prior. "I'll uh, put them in my laundry."

"And in the meantime I'll wear your underwear, sensei," Kakashi smiled and turned back to the stove.

"What if I said those were my favorite ones?"

"Then you'd have to spend the night at my place to steal them back."

_"Do you have belongings at his place?"_ The question started to seem less strange. It was normal for couples to leave things behind at each other's homes to make their next stay more convenient or comfortable. He liked the idea of Kakashi keeping something of his, and him having something of Kakashi's.

He didn't realize he was smiling to himself while shuffling the papers on his kitchen table.

"You spend a lot of time in your head, Ruka-kun," Kakashi said, setting breakfast in front of him.

Iruka blushed, realizing he had dropped the conversation so awkwardly. "S-sorry. I don't mean to. It's just…" his smile faded, "I've been on my own since I was ten."

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed. "Talking is hard to do when you've gotten used to the silence."

"I like talking to you, though," Iruka looked up at him.

Kakashi nodded in agreement before leaving the kitchen. He dressed while Iruka ate so they could leave together and the teacher could get to the academy on time.

Given that the weekend was coming he decided to take it somewhat easy on his students. Though, they didn't seem to notice. It was the same grumbles and whines as always.

Iruka sometimes found it comical. Someday they'd look back on these lessons and be thankful.

He and Kakashi hadn't made plans that evening but he was sure the man would show up at some point.

"Iruka-sensei!" Iruka looked up to see one of his former students waving as he walked towards his home.

"Oh, hello, Kiba, Shino, Hinata," he smiled at them. "Are you three heading to report for a mission?"

Akamaru barked.

"Four," Iruka apologized.

"No, sensei, we were looking for you," Kiba's grin grew mischievous. Hinata stared down at her toes, face turning pink.

Iruka caught sight of the beetle flying past his peripheral vision to land on Shino's finger. The Aburame tilted his head. "Kiba was right."

"Ha!" Kiba exclaimed happily and touched his nose, "I told you so!"

Iruka stood there confused. He looked over his former students about to ask what they were talking about when Kiba extended a finger in his direction, "You're dating Kakashi-sensei!"

Iruka's eyes went wide, his whole body stunned. His and Hinata's faces turned similar shades of red.

"I knew there was something off about Kakashi-sensei's scent on the last mission!" Kiba was laughing and boasting about how his sense of smell had gotten stronger and none of them could hide anything from him.

Iruka suddenly reached out grabbing the boy's ear as if punishing one of his students. "Inazuka Kiba, I know you know better than this! If I taught you anything it's that a ninja uses their head, makes the best tactile decision based on information they have!"

"Ow, ow, ow," the teen hissed, nearly bent over from the pull on his ear, "Iruka-sensei!"

"You thought confronting me here, now, was the best thing to do with that information?"

"He has a point," Shino said.

Iruka sighed and let go. He watched Kiba rub the side of his face and pout as Shino continued to reprimand his brazen behavior.

"I-I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei," Hinata said sheepishly. "It's- it must be difficult to love someone and have to hide it."

Was that how Kakashi felt? Having to keep their relationship a secret was still Iruka's decision that the other man was respecting. Iruka no longer cared to exhaust so much energy hiding their relationship but he still wasn't comfortable with so many people knowing. Now his former students were starting to fall into the loop.

"I'm sorry for my reaction, Kiba." The Inazuka looked up surprised by his former teacher's tone. They weren't school children, they were mature enough to handle sensitive information and complete missions as skilled ninja. He should respect them more as equals. "How about I treat you three to dinner?" Iruka suggested with a smile.

The three young ninja seemed at first surprised by the sudden attitude shift. Hinata shook her head, "no, Iruka-sensei, we've upset you. Kiba-kun should buy."

"What? Hinata," Kiba whined. "My ear almost got ripped off!"

"I warned you," Shino reminded.

"You did not, Shino!" Kiba argued.

Iruka laughed watching the teammates argue. "Come on, you three."

"You're not mad?" Kiba asked as they started walking.

Iruka sighed. "You can't stop your sense of smell from picking up inaccuracies. However, you really should think before you act, Kiba."

The teen laughed and rubbed the back of his head. The dog besides him barked.

"I-I'm sorry we found out your secret, sensei," Hinata said behind her blush.

"Why's it gotta be a secret anyway?" Kiba walked with his hands tucked behind his head. "Seems, stupid."

"Kiba-kun," Hinata hissed quietly. "Kakashi-sensei is a very important person to the village. It has to be a secret." Hinata knew about prestige and reputation most out of the three of them. She had been once been groomed to replace her father as head of the Hyuuga. Iruka frowned, walking slightly ahead.

He listened to them talk. Of course they assumed it was because of Kakashi. The man had been a student of the Fourth Hokage, had an impressive career, tactical foresight and skills in battle that made him an asset to the village. Iruka's image didn't fit next to his for a variety of reasons.

"Don't worry, Iruka-sensei, we won't tell anyone," Kiba said to his former teacher.

Iruka just smiled back and that was the last they talked about it. He was thankful.

Kakashi closed his eyes and ran his hand over his hair under the spray. His mind drifted, listening to the rush of water through the pipes, falling around him, circling the drain.

_Turning red with other shinobis' blood around their feet._

Kakashi opened his eyes. He pressed his forehead against the wall. It wasn't real. It was a delusion. It was a memory.

He sighed and turned off the water. He dried himself off, changed, and fell onto his couch with a book. That was how he was prepared to spend his evening when he heard a knock on his door.

Kakashi opened the door, surprised to see the smiling face.

"I brought take away," Iruka said, holding up the bag. "No dishes."

Kakashi stepped aside to let the man in. "You didn't have to do that. I would've been happy making us dinner."

"Do you like cooking, really?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi shrugged.

"Your hair's wet," Iruka observed.

Kakashi reached up to touch it with a smile. "Just got out of the shower."

"Do you prefer to shower in the evenings?" Iruka asked innocently out of curiosity.

Kakashi didn't answer. He started rummaging through the containers. "What did you bring me, sensei?"

They found themselves on Kakashi's couch. Iruka had set his headband on the living room table in front of the couch. His flak jacket hung besides the door with the jonin's. He talked about his day, his students. "What do you do on your days off?" Iruka asked, moving his chopsticks though the container.

"I like to walk around the village," Kakashi answered. "Being away so often, I don't get to see a lot of the changes. I also just like feeling a part of it again. I spend a lot of time in the Hokage's office too, as an unofficial advisor."

"I wonder how Naruto's training is going," Iruka mused.

"I'm sure he's defying expectations as usual," Kakashi said dryly.

Iruka chuckled. He smiled at the jonin before looking down again.

Kakashi watched him. He'd barely eaten and seemed to keep drifting back to his thoughts.

Kakashi didn't mind silence. After living with it for so long, it was familiar.

He ate the last bite of his food, watching Iruka contemplate his noodles. Kakashi moved off the couch to clean up the containers, knowing that doing so would cut off Iruka's inner workings.

"Kashi," Iruka watched him walk into the small kitchen.

"Hm?" It only took a few seconds before he was coming back to the couch.

"Do you want to play that game again?"

Kakashi looked the teacher over passively. Iruka was blushing and acting coy. "Maa, probably not a good idea." He fell back into his seat.

Iruka perked up, "what? Why not?"

"I already know everything about you," Kakashi said smugly, "you'd win."

"What? You can't win at that game," Iruka defended. Suddenly he grinned, "and you don't know everything about me."

Kakashi leaned forward with a matching smile. "Then let's play a new game."

Iruka didn't falter. "What are the rules?"

Kakashi leaned his chin on his hand, elbow on the back of the couch. "We'll tell each other something about the other that they don't think we know, and they have to say if it's true or not."

"And if we'd rather not say?"

"Then assume it's true."

"This sounds suspiciously made up," Iruka pointed. He was still smiling though.

"I'll start. You're favorite food is ramen," Kakashi said.

"I feel like everyone knows that," Iruka pointed.

"Tonkotsu ramen from Ichiraku," Kakashi said.

Iruka nodded, slightly baffled. "Yes, how did you-"

"Your turn," Kakashi objected.

"This isn't really fair, I don't know a lot about you."

"I'm sure you know more than you realize. Put your shinobi skills to use again, sensei."

Iruka's face fell blank. He looked over Kakashi, there was a lot he could say that he knew the man wouldn't want to talk about. Where was the middle of the road? "You were in ANBU." Kakashi had never technically told him that.

Kakashi smiled and nodded. "I was. You hide sweets from yourself above your fridge."

Iruka snorted and laughed. "You went snooping though my kitchen!" He shook his head, "of course you did." He looked at Kakashi without losing his smile. "You don't like sweets."

"True. I know the name of the other man you slept with."

Iruka gapped. "You do not."

"Three years before me, you said. Out of the male jonin in the village at the time, there's only one that comes to mind who would lead a four-man cell and walked _you_ home after."

Iruka stared at him. Kaksahi was smirking. His eyes narrowed, "Alright, you've slept with three men and two women."

"How would you know that, Ruka-kun?" Kakashi asked back teasingly.

"Me, the one you considered your first, the one that took you, and two women." Iruka counted out the five fingers.

"How do you know the two other men weren't just one?"

"From the way you talked. You were fourteen, you were on a mission, you'd lost one teammate and I'm guessing you were injured. _He_ sent a clone, _he_ built a shelter. It was non-penetrative, you sounded guilty. He was younger than you, even more inexperienced. When you said you lost your virginity to a man you weren't lying, but it was two different men, at two different times."

Kakashi didn't say anything for a long second and Iruka started to wonder if he's said too much, brought up even more uncomfortable memories.

Finally Kakashi smiled. "I told you, you were skilled, sensei."

"I feel guilty assuming all these things," Iruka confessed. "I'd rather you just tell me."

"Iruka," Kakashi reached for his hand. "I know you see and notice these things about me."

Iruka blinked at him, "wh-what?"

"I told you, I know everything about you, because you're so readable, Iruka."

Iruka yanked his hand away. Was that an insult; it felt like an insult.

"To me," Kakashi said, "that's what I do, I was in ANBU."

Iruka relaxed some. He had a point. Kakashi wasn't just another jonin.

"I know you're reading me right back," Kakashi said, his tone was even, matter-of-factly.

Iruka leaned forward on the couch. Kakashi had acknowledged him as a shinobi, as an equal. The kiss was long and gentle. Iruka slid closer, Kakashi shifted, letting the academy teacher climb into his lap.

Kakashi smirked when they broke apart to breathe. "I know how you like it." He guided Iruka's hips to sway against his. Iruka gasped, eyes slid closed, cheeks turning pink. Kakashi leaned forward, kissing his neck. "Slow and gentle, completely overwhelmed when you come."

Iruka let out another breath, fingers found their way to the jonin's hair. His lip twitched he smiled back at Kakashi. "I know how you like it." He gave the hair a tug and fell back onto the couch, pulling the man with him. Kakashi let out a noise between a groan and a growl. Iruka moved his legs, wrapping them around Kakashi's waist. "Hard and rough," a finger pressed Kakashi's temple, "so there's nothing happening here anymore."

Kakashi held himself up. "How long have you known that, Ruka-kun?"

"Since our third time together," Iruka answered.

Kakashi remembered that night. He stared down at the chunin a long moment. One of Iruka's hands slid over his shoulders, the other moved softly though his hair.

Kakashi dropped back over him with a sly smile. He kissed Iruka's chin. "This is your favorite position."

"Yours is behind me."

Kakashi chuckled before kissing down the tan neck, Iruka tilted his head back to let him. "You're wearing too much clothing." Kakashi's fingers pushed at the high collar of the chunin's uniform.

Iruka moved his hips up against Kakashi's. "You know how to fix that."

Kakashi laughed his head hovering above Iruka's chest.

"What?"

"I don't think we're playing by the rules anymore."

"Does it matter? You made them up," Iruka laughed back.

Kakashi moved, his lips gently brushed Iruka's. "Want to take this somewhere else?"

"Your bedroom?" Iruka asked to clarify. His luck he'd accidently agree to some perverted exhibitionist activity.

Kakashi hummed. "My shower's too small for the two of us."

He dropped his legs from Kakashi's waist. "You like being clean."

Kakashi grinned. "You want me to take you," he said simply.

"What gave me away?" They moved off the couch.

"It's been a few days." He took Iruka's hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.

Iruka pulled the blue shirt off over his head. He stopped before dropping it wondering if Kakashi would be upset to have clothes on his floor.

Kakashi smiled and pulled the fabric the rest of the way from Iruka's arms. "I'll sacrifice a clean apartment if I get to see more of you."

"Just me?" Iruka moved forward, his hands sliding over Kakashi's arms.

The jonin was wearing his sleeveless undershirt that was also his mask, though he hadn't had that up since he'd sat down to eat. "I thought that was implied," Kakashi answered, pulling off the tight blue shirt.

Iruka smiled and stepped back towards the jonin's bed.

Kakashi grinned, his feet followed Iruka's. His fingers hooked in the waist band of the chunin's pants to pull his hips back while leaning forward, catching his lips again.

Iruka gladly reciprocated. His hands moved over pale skin, up his arms, across his shoulders, into sliver hair. His hips rocked back, he rolled forward onto his toes, and pants hit the floor.

Kakashi ran hands over Iruka's body, warm, soft, toned. Iruka was fit. His muscles weren't as hard as his. He was so much fun to touch. Palms rolled over Iruka's sides and skirted down his back. Fingers slayed across his backside, squeezed and pulled his bare body against his.

Iruka gasped at the sensation of the jonin's trapped erection against his free one. He tipped his head back as lips pressed against his neck. Iruka touched the pale, scarred, chest. He tried to move back to give his fingers room to work on the jonin's pants.

Kakashi held him tighter. His hands slid up, holding Iruka's waist. His body moved against his. Iruka fell onto the bed, Kakashi between his legs.

Palms slid over Iruka's thighs, moving them further apart. Iruka held his shoulders, moaning around the tongue in his mouth.

Kakashi moved back, slipping out of Iruka's arms.

Iruka panted watching the jonin's eye travel over him. Kakashi grinned and took another step back. Iruka felt his whole body flush with heat.

Kakashi reached down, his hips sliding forward as he opened his pants. Slowly his hand disappeared into the fabric.

Sex was never anything but survival for Kakashi. A way to force his mind to something else. To distract himself from the faces he saw coated in red.

He had been waiting for Yugao that evening, knowing she'd be in a state if mourning and despair like he was, after all she was the one that lost a lover, for Kakashi it was just another teammate, another friend. He was planning to use her, the way he had in the showers of the ANBU locker room, and this time let her use him.

Instead Umino Iruka walked into his life.

He gave himself so complicatedly, let Kakashi do what he needed to him, knowing and understanding the man's pain without exchanging a single word.

Their pain was a lot alike, after all.

But this wasn't about hiding from emotional hurt anymore. This wasn't in pursuit of physical exhaustion. Iruka wasn't his to use, he was his to love.

Kakashi moved Iruka's leg off his shoulder with a small kiss to his calf. He held the back of his knee and leaned forward. Iruka's breath came out like a sigh, his face tense, eyes held shut.

"Iruka," Kakashi's voice was gentle. His hips stilled. "You're being awfully quiet. Something wrong?"

Iruka shook his head wordlessly.

Kakashi let the tan leg slip down around his waist so he could lay over the chunin. He kissed his chin. "Why so quiet, Ruka-kun?"

Iruka kept still, one arm folded at his side the other holding the edge of the mattress above his head. "I don't want your neighbors to hear..." he confessed tensely.

Kakashi's hips rolled gently into him, picking up a slow and steady rhythm.

Irukas jaw slacked, heat surging through him, he let out the smallest moan.

"Mm, that's good... But you can do better."

Iruka's whole body trembled. His head tipped back with a silent moan.

"They can hear the bed," Kakashi reminded.

Iruka suddenly became enthralled with the mounting speed at which the bed thudded against the wall. He listened to it. The metronome to Kakashi's hips. It was a declaration of the physical, rhythmic, roll of their bodies into sexual pleasure, and it got louder the harder Kakashi pushed into him.

A sound tumbled from Iruka's throat.

"Louder," Kakashi prompted.

The metal frame began to squeak, adding to the noise of their love making.

Iruka's body shook as he fought it. "Kiss me," he reached up for Kakashi's face.

Kakashi dropped over him. His tongue moved against Iruka's. He swallowed down defiant sounds. Kakashi kissed him hard, until he was breathless.

He moved away again, both of them panting. Iruka's mouth hanging open.

The noises got louder and faster and Iruka's legs clung tighter to Kakashi, moving with him, his body aching desperately, his mind struggling to keep his voice constrained.

"Iruka," Kakashi panted, "I'm barely holding on." His voice was tight and airy.

He was close, he could hear it in his breath, the small grunts. Kami, they sounded good. A moan fell out of him.

"That's it, Ruka-kun." Kakashi kept the speed of his thrusts constant. Even, hard, rolling into the tight heat between them. "More. I want to hear it."

"Kashi!" The protest came out like a cry of ecstasy. The seal had been broken. Iruka's head rolled back everything falling away into pure sexual drive. "Ah, there!" He met his trusts desperately and was rewarded with rolling waves of pleasure. "Oh, yes! Ah, Ka-ah-kashi!"

Iruka's body tightened, white heat spread through him from his toes to his scalp. With a tense groan Kakashi snapped up. He held Iruka's waist, pulling out, desperate to regain control in the last seconds before following his chunin off the edge. Kakashi fell forward, bracing the bed. His face hovered over Iruka's heaving chest. Both of them panting.

Iruka's head rolled to the side with a blush. He couldn't believe the sounds he'd just made.

Kakashi moved off the bed, disappearing into the bathroom. He looked down at himself and sighed reaching for a small cloth to clean Iruka's seed off his chest.

He felt a smile tug at his lips as he washed his hands. It fell somewhere between the faucet and the drain.

_It wouldn't wash off._

He blinked. It wasn't real.

"Can I- uh…" Iruka's voice was beside him.

He looked over, putting his grin back on. "I guess I made a mess."

Iruka's blush was beautiful. "Um, you could of- I don't mind."

"I know." Kakashi leaned over, pressing the cloth into the man's hand and kissing his pink cheek. "I didn't want to."

"Oh," Iruka said quietly.

Kakashi turned and walked back into his bedroom. He found a clean pair of boxers and laid down in his bed, waiting. His eyes drifted to the clothes on his floor. His skin felt tight, like a dry itch had settled over his whole body.

He swung his legs over the edge of his bed and bent down to collect them.

Iruka stood in the doorway watching Kakashi folding their clothes, setting them on top of his dresser. "You okay?"

"Hm?" Kakashi looked up like he had forgotten the other man was there. He looked down again. "I didn't want them to wrinkle."

Iruka knew an excuse when he heard one. Though he had to admit Kakashi was a better liar than his pre-genin. He decided to let it go.

He reached past him to reclaim his boxers.

Kakashi had a dark past, he was a child soldier. He grew up surrounded by war and death, which left deep wounds and scars no one could see. Iruka knew he wasn't ready to talk about it, and he might never be. If cleaning was how he coped he supposed there could be worse things.

They laid down in Kakashi's bed. Iruka listened to the stillness of the apartment building. "Who are your neighbors?" He could only imagine if they wound up being shinobi he knew, the teasing he'd receive.

The noises they had made were unmistakable, and his voice was undoubtedly male, even if it was unrecognizable through the walls. He could hear the rumors now. _"Kakashi-san had company the other night. I hear it was a man too."_

Kakashi didn't care, but Iruka was afraid they'd somehow make it to him.

"Don't worry, he's on a mission." He held him tighter for reassurance. "Our secret's safe."

Iruka was quiet. It wasn't really a secret anymore. Too many people knew for that to be accurate. He supposed there already were rumors circulating about them through the shinobi community.

It was too late to do anything about it now.

"Goodnight, Kashi."

"Yah."


	13. Painful Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: feels ahead.

_"Tenzo," Kakashi said evenly as the last body left the locker room. His eyes never looked up from the folded ANBU uniform._

_The boy swallowed as if awaiting a scolding._

_Kakashi looked up. His mismatched eyes holding the younger rooted like his wood release had sprouted through his feet. Kakashi's masked face was blank. "I'll provide the mission report."_

_"O-of course," he nodded._

_Kakashi's locker slammed closed, he spun to the door._

_"Um, senpai, what about-..." he held his arm nervously._

_Kakashi's feet barely stopped before walking on without an answer._

_That night he laid on his futon, hands tucked behind his head. His sharingan eye had a distraction from the visions that usually plagued him. Instead of Rin's last breath and fading eyes he saw another face._

_His body flushed. He forced the thoughts away._

_They came back._

_He let them take him over and found the easiest sleep he'd ever known after._

_The next several months he spent fighting with himself and losing nearly every time, letting his body trick his mind into comfort through sexual exhaustion._

_Eventually the memory became less effective._

_He tried to go back to reading._

_It didn't hold the same weight it once did._

_He was browsing through the bookstore when he found the orange covered novel._

_The character interactions, the lusty words written out in front of him, pulled his body towards the relaxing high he desperately needed. He'd read the same passages over and over, keeping his body sated and nightmares from waking him._

_Two years passed with the orange novel as his coping method, until it wasn't there when he needed it._

_Silently Kakashi pulled the black sandals from his feet. Distantly, he heard the older boy talking. The mission had been successful, their target had been neutralized._

_That was how they would say it to the Hokage. That was how they kept themselves sane, the words they chose. Targets, enemies, objectives, for former comrades, once Leaf shinobi. Neutralized, taken out, killed._

_No one died easily. What they came to deal was justice in the eyes of the village they served. Their targets certainly didn't see it that way._

_Kakashi hated when they begged._

_His hands were steady as he cleaned his kunai. He listened to every creak in the floors, in the walls. They were a long way from Konoha, tracking down the rouge ninja that had been looking to defect to the Stone Village._

_He knew the inn was a cheap way of the older boy trying to help him. Kakashi didn't want his pity. They had seen the same gore. If he was unbothered by it all than the same would go for Kakashi._

_"You can shower first." The other ANBU member said. His voice was soft, as if trying to be sympathetic._

_Kakashi just nodded, keeping himself indifferent._

_The water found what blood he had failed to wash off in the river before reaching civilians. He watched it. Thick and dark it moved off of his body and was carried down the drain._

_His resolve broke._

_He scrubbed his skin raw in his panic. His breath was short, the room felt small. "Get off me!" It was red, everything was red. He was coated in blood, her blood._

_He didn't hear the door or the feet. He barely realized the curtain had moved. He was sobbing and scrubbing._

_Arms held him. A voice tried to talk to him._

_He remembered the book. What sexual satisfaction had done for his nightmares he wanted it to do for him now._

_He pressed his naked body against his teammate's clothed one. They slid to the bottom of the grimy tiled floor. Water poured over them in sputtering uneven pressure._

_Kakashi kissed him and he kissed back._

_They didn't talk, just struggled against a blood stained, water soaked, uniform and Kakashi found his absolution._

_After that he decided to take the orange book with him everywhere. He kept it in his weapon's pouch so he wouldn't have to rely on anyone else to overwhelm the pain again._

_Two more years passed. The familiar passages lost their effect over him. His body knew real pleasure and sexual desperation. Though the words could still warm him and arouse him they didn't carry him to completion, the sharingan had to remind him of things he had actually experienced._

_So he sought to experience more._

_He closed his locker door and listened. He could hear the soft cries from the showers._

_The mission had been a difficult one._

_It was always difficult when children were involved._

_His feet carried him to the sounds of water and sobs. Without saying anything he removed the towel from his waist, having showered in the men's side._

_Her purple hair clung to her, and she to him._

_Afterwards almond eyes stared as he dressed. He left without saying anything._

_Several more missions went by, he no longer counted. The bodies piled up in his mind. His life's purpose was to bring death, it was dark and it was painful: to be so indifferent as people clung desperately to their last breaths in this world._

_He sighed into the steam of the shower. He kept his eyes closed to keep from seeing blood he knew wasn't his._

_He heard the second pair of feet enter the communal space. He listened to the turn of the taps. He didn't have to look to know who was there, but that didn't stop him from looking anyway._

_His body was different, older now, and he was seeing a lot more of it._

_His pain had to be put somewhere so he put it in him._

_He fell into a pattern. He used them, and they knew it._

_Kakashi stared at the folded uniform as it sat in his locker. "What do you think?" Tenzo's voice was quiet, to keep others out of their conversation._

_Kakashi looked up. "He's younger than I expected…" he said in the same tone, "but skilled."_

_The other man made a noise of agreement. Kakashi could feel his wide stare turn from one about business to something else. "Senpai…" he started to say something._

_Kakashi didn't want to talk anymore. "Trust in the Hokage, that's all we can do," he dismissed, closing his locker and walking out._

_He refused to feel pity for the young boy now on his team. He wasn't the youngest to ever join the ranks and he wouldn't be the last in the long line of shinobi without childhoods. He would hold him to the same standards he held his other subordinates._

_Itachi, he discovered was quiet, a good trait in their work. His face was trained, still, he was a prodigy. Kakashi didn't have to guide him much to fit into the new role. He found that he enjoyed helping his young subordinate, teaching him, defending him, he gave his life a warmer purpose than just a weapon._

_When he betrayed the village Kakashi hurt more than he had remembered. He had set aside the indifference, he had dared to care, and all he got back was pain._

_When Hiruzen gave him the choice of no longer belonging to the ANBU and becoming a jonin again he took it, if only because that was what he knew his Hokage truly wanted._

_He floundered through his first few genin teams. He didn't care one way or the other. They failed to realize what his sensei had tried so hard to teach him. He wouldn't make the same mistake. He wouldn't take on a student like himself, who couldn't recognize the importance of a team._

_He wouldn't make himself endure that brand of heartache._

_Yet, for all his efforts, it still found him._

_Kakashi looked up from the unconscious body in the hospital bed when he heard Iruka's voice._

_"Let me in! Let me see him!" His voice was tight, he sounded on the verge of breaking._

_The medical ninja struggled with the teacher in the doorway. Jiraiya didn't move._

_Kakashi stood. He put a hand on the medical ninja's shoulder. He looked back, stepped aside, and then left, deciding the boy in the bed must be well enough protected for now._

_Iruka rushed past silver-haired jonin. "They said he was near death!" He fell beside the bed. His eyes looked over the unconscious and bandaged frame. "What happened?" He looked up at the other men in the room, desperate for answers._

_Jiraiya stood wordlessly. He touched Kakashi's shoulder as he passed to leave, as if to communicate his sympathy to the jonin leader._

_Iruka watched him. The words stuck in his throat, blocked with guilt and anger. This had been his fault. He should have done more. He had seen the signs in Sasuke. "Sasuke." The name tasted bitter._

_"Sasuke did this?" Iruka looked back at the bandaged face._

_Kakashi turned away from him. He couldn't stand to watch anymore. Iruka's heart bled with compassion and love while his was filling with the familiar cold indifference and anger._

_He crossed the room to leave._

_"Kakashi," Iruka's voice was small in the dark hospital room. Kakashi's feet stopped in the doorway. "I'll leave my door open… if you need me."_

_Kakashi's hand slid from the doorjamb, walking out of the room._

_He stood in the Uchiha's old apartment. In a few days the Hokage would order it cleared out. Rouge ninja couldn't have a place to come back to._

_His acts might be that of a selfish child but they would have adult consequences._

_The apartment was clean, organized, it felt empty. There was nothing perishable left in the fridge, Sasuke had left knowing he wasn't coming back._

_Kakashi drifted to the picture of his team. Old wounds reopened. "Sensei…" he saw Minato's face, Obito's, Rin's…_

_He looked up, watching the sun set through the window. He'd never hated anyone as much as he hated his former student in that minute._

_It was dark. It was late. The past hours had disappeared. He stood silently over the body in the bed, fighting with himself and what he knew would happen._

_Iruka wasn't sleeping but he was still, waiting for Kakashi to choose what they both knew what he would._

_The floor creaked under his steps as he moved around the bed._

_Iruka was unmoving as the sheets were pulled from his body. He stared at the wall. A hand moved over his arm, down his side, rested on his hip._

_He was tense. He was warm. Kakashi pressed his body to the bare tan back._

_Pain twisted cold and vengeful in his chest. He shoved the teacher, moved him like a heavy doll. Iruka let him. He gasped and made little noises of indifference. Kakashi was free to use him._

_They grunted, groaned, panted into the darkness._

_Kakashi reached up, holding his chin, keeping it pushed toward the ceiling so he could slip free of his mask and breathe against the chunin's shoulder._

_His hips rolled hard and fast, forcing himself deep into the warm body spread so complacently below him._

_Iruka cried and groaned. He would have dropped his head if Kakashi wasn't holding it._

_He felt him shift his weight._

_Fast and rough, as quickly as it started it ended when teeth dug hard into tan flesh and shaking bodies stilled._

_Kakashi climbed off as if a fire had started. Iruka cringed and moved slowly to his feet to try and find his discarded boxers._

_Kakashi braced the bathroom counter. He sighed anger and rage quickly giving way to guilt. Guilt was familiar._

_He stepped out, his eye drifted over the body sat on the edge of the bed. He held out a hand to the teacher._

_Iruka seemed confused._

_Kakashi just nodded calmly._

_Iruka took the offer._

_Kakashi gently pulled him into the light of the bathroom. He took the washcloth from the water he had filled the sink with._

_Iruka was still._

_Kakashi's touch was delicate as the cloth moved over the man's shoulder. Almost like an apology._

_"Did you break the skin?" Iruka asked with a small hiss._

_Kakashi shook his head. "It will bruise though."_

_Iruka nodded._

_Kakashi's uncovered eye stared at the mark he has made. Iruka reached up, stilling his hand. "I'm not mad."_

_"I hurt you," he protested quietly._

_"I've been hurt worse," he dismissed. "Besides, I let you." Iruka's brown eyes were fierce and strong willed, telling him he wasn't as fragile as Kakashi saw him a few minutes ago._

_Kakashi looked down again. He passed the wash cloth off and walked out of the bathroom. Iruka followed him. "You don't have to worry about me looking." Iruka touched his own face to communicate what he meant. "For next time."_

_"Next time?" Kakashi asked._

_Iruka shrugged. "Just… sensing a pattern."_

_Kakashi pulled on his flak jacket after picking it up from where it had landed. He nodded wordlessly and walked towards the open bedroom door._

_"Good-night, Kakashi," Iruka said softly to the jonin's back._

_He wasn't wrong. Kakashi needed someone to use, a warm body to ease his mind, let him forget what the sharingan couldn't._

_Iruka became that person._

_Then he fell in love with him._

_"You've been spending a lot of time with Iruka lately." Asuma said off handedly around his cigarette._

_Kakashi didn't look up from the orange book in his hand. His brow offered back an amused look. "And you with Kurenai."_

_The bearded man brightened. He rubbed his neck and laughed awkwardly._

_"Asuma…"_ Kakashi thought about his friend, and then the other faces he missed and wished were still alive.

Kakashi blinked up at the ceiling over his bed. The body beside him shifted in his sleep. Kakashi's hand drifted down to find warm, tan skin. He smiled to himself and closed his eyes. The sharingan nightmares could have him because in the morning he'd have Iruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to drop hints this chapter was coming. Hopefully it ended on a good enough note to make up for all the heaviness.


	14. Pain's Assult

"I have a missions room shift," Iruka shared, tying his ponytail up.

"Do you want to meet after?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka smiled and moved forward to catch a kiss before the jonin put his mask back in place. "I thought you knew everything."

"Yah, I just wanted to give you a chance to say it."

Iruka smiled with a small laugh. "You can make us dinner, since you enjoy it so much."

"I'll get supplies and meet you at your place," Kakashi said.

Iruka nodded. That sounded like a very enjoyable evening.

Iruka left the apartment building and walked down the street towards the Hokage tower. Izumo greeted him as he walked into the office.

"I thought you were a part of the Interception Division today," Iruka said after returning the friendly greeting.

"I traded with Kotetsu," Izumo shared. He picked up a stack of reports and moved to one of the seats at the table.

"What for?" Iruka followed him, sitting beside his friend.

"I knew you were working today," he smiled.

Iruka touched his scar. Izumo and Kotetsu were the closest friends he had in the village. The three of them worked together often, but it was Izumo's 'work-first' attitude that Iruka shared that he gravitated towards. Kotetsu was more of a restless soul.

"If you wanted to talk to me you could have stopped by," Iruka took a report from the stack and started reading over it.

"Oh? You would have been home?"

Iruka froze. He turned his head to look at the other chunin. Izumo wasn't one to tease him without Kotetsu starting it. His tone was friendly but he was clearly hinting that he knew something.

The man let out a small laugh. His brush moved over the paper in front of him. "Don't look so surprised, Iruka."

"Wh-what?"

"Everyone knows."

"What?!" He quickly collected himself, "knows what?"

"You're dating again, though no one can figure out who," he shared. "In fact, I wanted to let you know Kotetsu has started making bets about it."

"D-dating again…?" Iruka's voice was small, his internal thoughts leaking out.

Izumo's eyes never left the scroll. "The way you've been smiling and zoning out, and I heard you were letting your students off the hook for a lot of their work too. The last time you were like this you were hanging out with Hayama… a lot."

Iruka could feel his face getting warm. He stared down at the report. "We shouldn't be talking like this at work," he said quickly.

Izumo looked at his friend and then back at the scroll. "Alright."

They weren't alone in the room much longer anyway. Other ninja showed up for their shifts and teams started to filter in to give their reports.

It all came to a stop when the village quaked with an explosion. Every ninja in the office turned.

"What was that?"

"We should go check!"

There was another loud noise, a building could be seen falling out the window.

"Iruka!"

Iruka turned his head away from the sound of the explosion. Three ninja stood at the ready.

He nodded and fell into running towards the commotion with them. They could see the monster tearing through the village as they got closer. They moved to intercept it, it changed direction. It seemed an endless game of keep away with much higher stakes.

They came to a stop on a rooftop, above where the creature had suddenly dropped. "The centipede is down."

"Seems that girl did it."

Iruka looked closer, shocked. He dropped down from the roof and ran towards them. "Sakura! Are you alright?"

"Iruka-sensei," she looked up from healing a little girl's leg, "just what is going on?"

He shook his head, "I don't know, but someone's attacking Konoha."

Sakura gasped.

"The situation has been reported to Lady Tsunade. The alarm should sound."

"The village is under direct attack? Who would do such a thing?"

There was another explosion, redirecting all of their attention, reminding them there attack wasn't over.

"Let's go, Iruka!"

"Right!" He started for the direction of the flames, stopping to look back at his former student briefly, "Sakura, hurry to the hospital and tend to the wounded. I'm sure it's full of injured people."

She nodded, "yes."

Iruka's impromptu team fell apart. For him, knowing his skill level, this fight was about survival and drawing the battle out, getting it away from civilians, buying time for more skilled shinobi in their reinforcements to get there.

His teammates didn't feel the same way. Taking on more than they realized.

Loud explosions went off around him. He dropped down to pick up one of the fallen shinobi and get them to a quieter location.

"Are you alright?" He tried to assess the ninja's injuries.

There was suddenly a body standing over him. "Tell me where the jinchuriki of the nine-tails is or else I'll kill you."

_"That crest,"_ his eyes stared at the red clouds on the black cloak, _"So he's from the Akatsuki."_

"Speak up," the man said darkly.

_"Naruto,"_ Iruka thought of the boy he'd watch grow up, that the stranger was asking him to betray. He'd rather die. "I have no intention of telling you anything!"

"I see. Then I have no use for you," the man's tone was the same.

Iruka didn't even see the man's arm move. He didn't get a chance to blink before he was looking at legs in front of him. The weapon had been stopped. All he could do was stare.

"You create a loud diversion," Kakashi said staring the Akatsuki member down, "so that you can investigate from the shadows, eh?"

"Kakashi!" Iruka wanted to tell him to run, to get back. If this was the man that had taken down Jiraiya, neither one of them stood a chance in direct combat.

"Please take the wounded and get away," Kakashi told him. "Leave this one to me." His voice was kind but controlled. Iruka understood.

He hesitated moving back. He didn't want to leave him there on the battle field alone but he knew he'd be of no use. He knew if they tried to fight together there'd be too many openings for the enemy to read their relationship and take advantage of it.

Their best chances were apart.

"Right!" He acted like he was receiving any other set of orders. The enemy couldn't know, but he couldn't stop from lingering with the wounded man's arm across his shoulder, looking at the jonin desperately hoping, _"good luck, Kakashi."_

Iruka made it to the hospital. Several shinobi were filtering in through the doors. Once inside the confusion fell into organized chaos. Bodies were spread across the floor on mats. Medical ninja were running back and forth treating and getting supplies.

"Sakura! One more wounded, hurry!"

"Alright," she nodded "Please lay him down over there." She pointed calmly.

Iruka was surprised to see her taking charge. To be so young and level headed in this crisis.

"Iruka-sensei, are you wounded?" She never looked up from her patient.

"No," Iruka said quickly.

"Can you escort the injured that can move to the evacuation shelter?" It was a question but it sounded like an order.

He nodded. That was a good idea. The ninja were of no use back out on the battle field but only took up space in the hospital. They needed to be moved to a safe location.

Iruka took the arm of a man with his leg in a cast. Another ninja had his arm in a splint, another with his right eye bandaged. "We'll keep to your right," he had to act as his good eye as they traversed the chaos.

There was another explosion that shook the building.

Several people gasped and seemed to wait for it to collapse.

Iruka looked back at his former student. She didn't flinch. He smiled with pride, he really had helped the next generation of skilled shinobi.

He turned back to the shinobi in front of him. "Let's go!"

Getting tough the village wasn't easy. One of his charge half blind, the others in varying degrees of pain. They had to move slower than Iruka would have liked. They had to be careful of the summons tearing though the buildings, and the ninja attacking on the ground.

"We'll stay away from the loud explosions!" Iruka told them.

"But we can pick up trapped civilians and-"

He remembered what Kakashi had said. A loud diversion to interrogate the ninja that come rushing in to help. That's what had happened to his former team. "No, that's what they want. They'll be waiting." Kakashi had been warning him to stay away from those areas.

He took a second to think about him. To hope he was okay.

"Save the crying for later… Chouji…" Kakashi spoke through his exhaustion. His eyes felt heavy. He was at his limit, barely enough chakra in his body to stay conscious. "Report to Tsunade-sama about Pain's abilities. A counter strategy is imperative."

"K-Kakashi-sensei?" Chouji choked out through his tears.

"You have to hurry! Run!" Kakashi could do little else but yell.

"But… I…I-" the teen trembled.

"Don't let Choza's sacrifice be in vain!" He had to get out of there.

"Persistent fellows, aren't you?" One of the Pain's crawled towards them.

_"Damnit! He's still…"_ The Pain with the heavy weaponry's body morphed, an artillery shell sprung from his back and was poised in the air, pointing in Chouji's direction. "He's after him!" It sparked, flames burst out the end. It was launched. "Run! Chouji!"

The young Akimichi struggled to his feet, turning to run.

Kakashi looked at Pain, the rocket spewing orange flames. _"With the chakra I have left… It's impossible to destroy the entire body. And… if I use it one more time…"_

The shell was released. There was no more time to analyze. He had entrusted the information to Chouji. He had to get it to the Hokage. The fate of the village and everyone in it relied on him now.

He activated the mangekyou sharingan one last time, seeking out the missile, forcing it to vanish.

His chest heaved, breathing hard. Pain's body dropped. That was his last move too. Kakashi's head fell back heavily. He looked at the sky, it was too hard to keep his eyes open. _"Well… it seems this is it for me, too. Obito… Rin…- Ir-"_

Iruka lowered the ninja down to the cave floor.

"Thank you, Iruka," he rested the crutch across his lap. The other shinobi he had helped settled in.

He nodded to them and made to leave. On his way back to the hospital his feet stopped. He looked out over piles of rubble, bodies caught in the destruction.

His gut twisted. He forced himself to turn, to keep going. _"Later,"_ he told himself. _"I'll hold Kakashi and we'll mourn together like before."_

Kakashi found himself alone, walking. There was no clear direction to go, nothing around but emptiness. The suddenness of a campfire surprised him. Its light was bright in the darkness. A silhouette sat with its back to him. "Is that you, Kakashi?"

"So this is where you were…" Kakashi walked towards the familiar voice. He moved around one of the rocks to sit beside the man.

"Will you tell me your story?" He asked.

"Sure… It's a really long story, so I want to take my time." He didn't know how this realm worked. How long he was allowed to see this vision. Obito, Rin, and Minato had disappeared in just seconds.

Sakumo turned with a kind smile. "Yeah, that's fine."

Kakashi returned the gesture. "Well, Father…"

Iruka moved forward, catching the arm of the man swaying to his feet. "Ah, thank you," he said weakly.

"Sakura-chan!" Chouji's voice cut though the noise

She rushed up along with another medic-nin to help him with his father's weight.

Iruka offered a hand to another shinobi, getting him to his feet.

"Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei is-!" He couldn't stop his loud sobs. "He-! I'm sorry, Sakura-chan!"

Iruka's heart throbbed in his chest. He saw the floor fast approaching and threw his arm out in front of him. He couldn't breathe.

"Iruka-sensei!" The pink-haired girl skirted to a stop, falling beside him.

"He just fell," one of the injured shinobi said.

"Are you hurt?" Her green healing chakara reached out for him.

He shook his head. What was he doing? He was a better shinobi than this. He gently pushed her hand away. "I-I'm not injured."

She looked at him a long second. Her green eyes moved over his face, confused.

He blinked, his vision blurry. Tears fell down his cheeks. He smiled at her to be reassuring. Almost as if not realizing he was crying. "I'm alright, Sakura."

"Iruka-sensei…" her voice was sad and questioning. Her eyes softened. Her hand touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry, sensei." She got up and ran back to her patients.

Iruka put his hand over his mouth and choked down a sob. _"Kakashi…"_ He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. No. This was not the time. _"Later,"_ he told himself again.

He got to his feet. He looked at the ninja that were waiting to be evacuated from the hospital. He'd get them to safety. He'd save who he could so there'd be less people hurting with him. _"Later,"_ it became his mantra.

"I guess I don't know where to start," Kakashi said after the short silence.

"The beginning, the ending, the middle- it's your story, Kakashi," he said softly.

Kakashi stared at the fire. "Iruka…" He said his name out loud.

"Hm?"

"I fell in love," Kakashi said quietly. He wanted to see his face again, wanted to hold him, almost desperately. He felt guilty in the next second realizing that would mean Iruka would have to die too.

Sakumo looked off at the campfire as well. "A shinobi?"

Kakashi nodded, "yeah. A chunin." A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "An academy instructor."

"Are they kind?"

Kakashi pictured Iruka's smile. He heard his voice as he talked about his students. "Incredibly."

"And you?"

Kakashi sighed. "It's been hard," he said honestly.

Sakumo was quiet again.

"After you- after you died I worked hard, trained to be better than you… Teammates were a nuisance, friends talked too much… I just wanted to be strong."

"Did you get what you wanted?"

"Yea, but I lost a lot of people- hurt them in the process."

"Did you steal that?" His father looked into the sharingan eye.

"It was a gift from a friend… his death- It was all my fault. My first mission as a jonin leader, I needed to prove myself and it cost his life. Worse, I didn't learn from my mistake, I killed someone I had promised to protect. I proved myself good at killing, I was made ANBU, where I perfected it."

Sakumo looked over at his son. "But you didn't stay in ANBU. You're uniform is jonin."

Kakashi nodded before explaining. "I was a weapon," Kakashi said. "I felt nothing, cared about no one, and followed orders. My friends tried to reach out to me, to bring me back. The Hokage saw what I was losing, he gave me back my jonin rank and made me a genin leader. I had some terrible teams at first and then came this brat, Uzamaki Naruto, the nine-tails jinchuriki. He knew isolation and pain and laughed in the face of it."

"You were his teacher?"

"Yeah. I didn't give him the recognition he deserved. His teammate became my best pupil… and he abandoned the village turning rouge."

"Did you kill him?"

"I don't think I could if I had the chance. I'm not what I used to be."

"Because of Uzamaki or because of the instructor you mentioned?"

"Iruka," he said his name again. "He was Naruto's first teacher. He taught him what good was in people if you give them the chance. He saw it in me when all I did was use him. He waited four years, giving me so many chances. I still don't know if I did right by him, if I turned out as good as he saw, and now I guess I won't know."

"Who would have thought that both you and I would die so early?" Sakumo asked. "Although not as early as your mother."

Kakashi paused, thinking about his mother. "Father, I've always wanted to ask you something." Sakumo turned towards him. "Why did someone like you, the White Fang of Konoha, choose to ignore village code and abandon a crucial mission in order to save his comrades? If you hadn't of done that, no one would have condemned you and you wouldn't have become so miserable." He remembered what it felt like being the son of the disgraced. "I felt so bitter."

"I see… You took it pretty hard, didn't you?"

"Yeah," he agreed. He had grown up since then. He had learned a lot about the world. He understood a lot more than the small boy who'd hated his father. He needed him to know that. "But you know, Father, whatever the outcome, I know you did your best. I can see that now and I understand why. You broke the code to save everyone. And I'm proud of you for it."

Sakumo seemed surprised. He smiled. "Thank you."

Green light shot down from nowhere suddenly wrapping around Kakashi, shocking them both.

"Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka turned at sound of the small voice. He smiled at the boy and his teacher, "You're alive!"

"So are you," Ebisu said back.

"Ebisu-senei are you hurt?" Iruka asked, noticing his limp.

"This is nothing." He turned to the boy holding him upright, "Konohamaru saved me." The child laughed. Ebisu adjusted his glasses, "but never mind me, what's this phenomenon?"

Iruka nodded. "Yes…" He turned. A jutsu that brought the dead back to life wasn't unheard of. If this was another attack they'd have to be ready. He could only hope not to face someone he hadn't even mourned.

"What's this?" Kakashi looked up trying to find where the light was coming from.

"Seems it was too soon for you to come here. There must be something you're still meant to do."

"Father…" A part of him didn't want to go back. He wanted to keep talking to his father.

"I'm glad we got to talk. Thank you for forgiving me. Now I can move on in peace." The image faded. It felt like a dream. _"I'll finally be able to see your mother again."_

Kakashi's eyes opened. He pushed himself up, suddenly more awake and panicked than he could remember. "What's going on?"

"Thank goodness! I'm so glad Kakashi-sensei!" Chouji began wiping away his tears.

"I will explain everything," Katsuyu said, crawling forward.

Kakashi listened. Naruto had proven himself yet again, and this time the whole village had been witness. Everyone would know now what a talented shinobi with a huge heart his former student was, and just how much he cared about this village.

He left to be the one to find him. Naruto was chakra depleted. He nearly fell before Kakashi caught him. He had seen this brat grow so much stronger than him. He was proud of him and wanted him to receive his acknowledgment from the village that had once hated him so much.

"You did good," he told him, carrying him towards the village. "They're waiting for you."


	15. The End

Iruka watched from a distance as the boy he believed in was showered in praise and admiration by a village that once scorned him.

"Let's join them, Iruka-sensei!" Konahamaru said excitably looking up at the academy teacher.

"No, I'm fine here." Iruka answered with a smile. Naruto knew Iruka had praise for him. He didn't need to get in the way of his moment.

"But-"

"Now, now," Ebisu interrupted, "Naruto is amazing, isn't he?" He went on to explain to Konakamaru Naruto's previous place in the village, the ridicule he faced and how he rose above it.

Iruka thought about all the voices he'd heard throughout the years. How they mocked him, how they grew to respect him. "It's because he's done his best." His mind drifted to the Third Hokage. _"The Fourth Hokage wanted Naruto to be regarded as a hero to the village…"_ That day had finally come.

His eyes fell to Kakashi. The man caught his stare for a second though the crowd.

Iruka couldn't stop himself from crying.

When the crowd broke up Iruka joined the other school teachers to talk about what to do. They agreed to try and salvage what they could.

He moved over the rubble that had once been his village. It was heartbreaking to see such destruction.

 _"These were just things,"_ he reminded himself.

He made it to what had once been the academy school yard. "This area is completely destroyed," he sighed out loud. He looked across the yard and started towards the tree. "It survived." Several branches were broken and the swing hung by one rope. A smile grew.

He touched the scar on the tree his kunai had left. "I bet you'll be Hokage by the time you're this tall." He lowered his hand to Naruto's height now. _"You're almost there, Naruto."_

He turned when he heard footsteps. "Yo."

Iruka's feet moved towards the jonin. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. "I thought you'd died…"

"I did."

Iruka threw himself forward, unable to hold back. Kakashi caught him. He buried his face in the jonin's flak jacket, his arms around his neck. The tight embrace was returned. Kakashi's chin rested on his shoulder.

Iruka's knees threatened to buckle. Kakashi held him tighter.

He smelt of dirt and dust, he was warm and strong, and everything around them was meaningless.

They both turned their heads but never broke their hold on one another at the sound of footsteps.

Izumo froze. "Um… S-sorry to interrupt."

Iruka fell back to his heels, realizing just then he'd been standing on his toes. He took a step back from the silver-haired jonin. Turning to his friend without a blush. He wasn't embarrassed at all.

The embrace ended just in time. Kotetsu skirted over the pile of rubble. He paused looking at the two ninja standing close. He grinned wickedly.

Izumo stepped forward. "It's the Hokage."

The four shinobi didn't stay in the school yard much longer.

Iruka listened to the whispers of the shinobi around him. They talked about the village, the Hokage, what to do next.

Kakashi stepped out of the large tent and towards the group of ninja. "The village comes first. We'll start with emergency shelters, priority to elderly, injured, and women and children." They nodded in agreeance, that made sense. "We'll salvage what we can for supplies." Iruka was awestruck, watching him relay plans to the other shinobi.

He'd never seen a man's destiny laid out so plainly at his feet. Kakashi would be the next Hokage.

He thought about what Hinata had said, about Kakashi's place in the village. Iruka's own place was also clear, and it definitely was not at his side.

Iruka left to help with the shelters.

Several shinobi wound up sharing space. Iruka understood it was only temporary. He, Kotetsu, Izumo, and Genma had divided up the floor space of one large tents that had been left over.

During the day they worked to clear rubble, help the construction, and move supplies from neighboring villages.

In the evening they shared hot-pot meals and campfire stories. Kotetsu even managed to find a deck of cards.

Iruka hissed, winding a bandage around his finger.

"That looks deep, you should find a medical nin," Izumo looked up from his hand of cards. They were playing poker with acorns in the corner of the tent.

"It'll be fine, I wouldn't want to bother them. They're busy enough," Iruka said.

"How'd you get it?" Genma asked around his senbon.

"I was looking for practice material, kunai, shuriken, and I didn't realize there was a piece of glass in the rocks I was moving."

"Maybe Kakashi-san will kiss it, make it better," Kotetsu said with a smile behind his cards.

"Kakashi?" Genma seemed to perk up. His eyes quickly went to Iruka.

The teacher busied himself with his bandaging, and cleaning, pretending not to hear them.

"We're all pretty sure they're dating," Kotetsu explained. "You really do have a type, don't you Iruka?"

Iruka shot up quickly. "I'm going to fill my canteen. Any one need anything, no, okay."

He could hear friendly laughter as he walked out. He let out a sigh and looked up at the night sky. There was no light pollution from the village, they didn't even have electricity back yet.

He started walking, shaking his head. Iruka didn't mind his friends knowing. He could handle some light teasing. Things were quickly changing though.

Word started to circulate that they had a new Hokage. Iruka didn't know the man personally just what he had heard from others and what he had experienced in the brief moments he passed him in the halls of the Hokage tower.

He didn't seem as kind hearted as their last Hokage. Danzo was a militant, hard, man. Things in the village would change to his will, his rule. The warm, open, Konoha was about to become darker, he could feel it.

His relationship with one of the village's most prized shinobi would definitely be reconsidered under the new order. It was best to put some space between them now, or else end up being made examples of.

"I was looking for you."

Iruka glanced up from where he was kneeling, filling his canteen in the flow of water. He looked down again, focusing on his task. He didn't know what to say. He was sure Kakashi knew more than he did about the transition happening in the village politics.

"What happened to your hand?"

"It's just a cut," Iruka answered.

There was the sound of footsteps in the grass, one on the water as they crossed the brook. Iruka stood, tightening the lid of his canteen. "Why were you looking for me?"

"I need a reason to want to see you?" Kakashi asked teasingly, leaning forward with his hands in his pockets.

Iruka smiled back, it fell quickly. "I've heard some talk."

"I've heard it too."

"Lord Danzo will-…"

"Yeah."

Iruka sighed. He looked up in shock when a hand touched his.

Kakashi's fingers moved over the bandage. His touch was softer than Iruka would have expected. He watched Kakashi's dark eye move over the wrappings, inspecting his first aid abilities.

Iruka looked away again, off at the darkness beyond the trees. "I thought you'd be made Hokage and we'd be having a whole other conversation."

Feet moved through the grass, moving closer. The hand held his.

Iruka moved back, swallowing down his wants. He wanted to latch onto the man and never let go. "We shouldn't- right now."

Kakashi let his hand fall back to his side. He nodded. "I'll be gone for a few days."

"A mission?" At a time like this? Who would be sending shinobi away right now?

"Not technically."

"Oh," Iruka said quietly.

"We'll talk when I get back," Kakashi promised.

Iruka nodded and Kakashi disappeared.

The walk back to the tent seemed longer somehow. He stopped, listening to the ninja inside cracking jokes and laughing loudly.

He looked up again at the night sky.

It was beautiful and calming. He could map the constellations. Think about other things, at least for a second.

Kotetsu slammed down his cards happily and reached for the pile of acorns. Izumo groaned and sat back, "it's not a fair game. I think we're missing some cards."

"Yeah, give me those," Genma reached for the deck. He started shuffling through them. Izumo looked over his shoulder, counting with him.

Kotetsu crossed his arms. "Don't be sore losers."

Iruka sat down where he had been. His space was marked with some damaged teaching materials he had found. One being a lesson plan book. There was some water damage, a few missing pages, and tears but it was better than nothing.

"We should settle in anyway," Izumo sighed.

Genma sat up stretching. "Yeah. Long day again tomorrow."

"Long days ahead for a while," Kotetsu answered.

Iruka flipped through the book carefully. He listened to his tent-mates fall into their usual places while talking lightly about the village and the progress.

"We've even got a new Hokage, I hear."

They were quiet. He was sure they were collectively thinking the same thing. Tsunade wasn't even dead yet and vultures were grabbing for power.

"What kind of Hokage do you think he'll be?"

Iruka felt eyes on him. He looked up to see his friends sharing similar concerned faces. "What?"

"Nothing." Izumo slid down into his sleeping spot. He adjusted his pillow.

Iruka set the book aside and reached for the lantern. "Good night, then."

"Hm."

"Yeah."

"Night."

Iruka's class of pre-genin was mixed in with the other teachers'. The arrangement was temporary. The instructors took turns with the classes to better help rebuild the village. The younger classes were on hold entirely, rather than try to organize minds that were more than distracted on a good day.

The large group of academy students fell into place on the training grounds.

"We'll resume some shuriken practice today," he told them. "Given the circumstances I'm going to split you into teams of three. You'll help each other with your techniques before getting the practice weapons."

For the most part this teaching method was successful. The older, more advanced students were able to teach the ones Iruka just couldn't get to, being stretched so thin. The students helped one another and a majority benefited.

By the end of the day Iruka was able to determine which students needed him most and which ones he could let develop on their own.

He didn't like teaching like this but given the circumstances he didn't have much of a choice.

As the sun set he made his way back to the tent he shared with his friends.

Izumo rolled his arm, stretching, "I think I pulled something."

Kotetsu seemed indifferent to his partner's suffering. "I told you not to lift that beam."

"And I told you to help me," Izumo shot back.

Kotetsu just shrugged, "my hands were full. Was I supposed to drop the apples I'd found."

"Yes," Izumo hissed.

Iruka picked up one of the apples Kotetsu had apparently found. "We should take these to the villagers."

"But I-" Kotetsu started to whine.

"Good idea, Iruka," Genma stood, gathering up an armful.

Iruka laughed as they walked out. Kotetsu sat with his arms crossed, pouting like a child as Izumo laughed and teased him.

Iruka gave the fruit to an elderly woman he passed. She thanked him and promised a hot meal as soon as things permitted it.

The village was coming along quicker than any had originally expected. The temporary tents were replaced by temporary wood homes. Concrete and stone structures were being planned the more ruble was cleared.

There was still a long way to go but it didn't seem such an endless struggle anymore.

Rumors started to circulate that Danzo had been killed. No one seemed to know the details but several seemed to think it had something to do with Sasuke.

Iruka's heart broke for Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi. It meant he was beyond their saving. He remembered the day Sasuke left the village, the state Kakashi brought Naruto back in, the way his misplaced sadness and anger used Iruka as an outlet.

His feet stopped in the grass between the stack of lumber and the trees. A gentle breeze moved through him as he sighed. He looked towards the Hokage rock, thinking about the talk Kakashi had promised him.

Kakashi had hoped that Tsunade would have made a recovery by now. He understood he became the favorable candidate to fill her position and he would take on that power if it was presented to him. Nothing about the situation was ideal, he did not want to be the next Hokage; it meant giving up somethings he wasn't sure he was ready for.

Ibiki seemed to notice, "Kakashi, the chain of command in Kohana is in shambles. Someone has to restore order as soon as possible."

"Yeah… I know that," Kakashi agreed as he walked away.

He made his report to the superiors the village had left.

"Danzo too?" Koharu asked.

"Such a shame. The best ones go first," Homura chimed.

"We must quickly hold a meeting to determine who will be the next Hokage."

"The Allied Shinobi Force will be stalled if the Hokage is missing," Homura went on.

"That cannot be helped," Koharu dismissed. She turned to Kakashi, "We will recommend you for Hokage. The Sand has also recommended you."

"I am prepared for it," Kakashi said quickly.

"Oh? That was easy," Homura said.

"Of course, it would be a little out of character for me to be the Hokage," Kakashi agreed.

"That's fine," Koharu insisted, "I will go to the Feudal Lords to request a conference. Go back to the village and prepare until you are called."

"There really isn't anything for me to prepare," Kakashi said dismissively. He had lost his apartment in the attack, and he was certain Iruka knew this was coming.

"Listen, Kakashi," Homura stopped him from leaving, "let me just say one thing to the next Hokage. It is true that Danzo was very ambitious, but everything he did was for the sake of the village."

"Hiruzen out front and Danzo in the back. Things went most smoothly back then."

"So is that meant to be some sort of excuse?"

"Just some advice," Homura answered.

"Don't try to take on everything yourself," Koharu said. "It would be best to have a confidant besides you."

Kakashi decided he had heard enough. As he walked through the rebuilding village he thought about what the village elders had told him. He was sure that was not the kind of Hokage he wanted to be.

He stopped to look at the Hokage Rock, at the faces looking over the village. His sensei would expect him to be better than that.

He was taken off guard by the rough slap to his back. "Yo! Kakashi!" Gai swung an arm over his shoulder. "Looks like you got home safely. You aren't injured are you?" Gai started to examine him.

"Oh, I'm fine," Kakashi insisted.

"Okay! In that case how about another match?" He stood back with his thumb up in his spirited pose.

"Why?" Kakashi asked back boredly.

"Why?! What do you mean why? Because you and I are eternal rivals, that's why!"

Kakashi accepted Gai's challenge, allowing himself a few minutes of simplicity and spirited fun. He thought about what his superiors had said about the roles of Danzo and Hiruzen. He wondered if Gai would be up to the challenge.

He didn't get to ask though. He was drug away by the stone carver while Gai and Lee dissolved into tears and declarations of youthful something-or-other, who could really understand such ramblings.

After being released from the stone-carver's workshop he knew who to find next.

He had told Kaharu he had nothing to prepare. He was certain he could leave things with Iruka unsaid but if he had the time to say them he might as well.

He found the teacher helping with the construction of the academy.

"Oh, Kakashi," Iruka smiled politely in front of the other shinobi.

Kakashi tucked his hands into his pockets. "Do you have a minute, sensei?"

Iruka looked to the other ninja almost nervously. He put back on his facade, pretending like a friend was asking another to chat. "Sure, Kakashi." He set down the tools and waved to the other teachers. "I'll be right back!"

They walked silently. Kakashi waited until they were safely tucked away behind a stack of lumber. "It's been decided. I'll be the next Hokage," he shared.

Iruka looked down at the space between them. It felt larger than it was, it felt like it was growing. "You don't have to say anymore, Kakashi." He understood what this meant, at least as far as he was concerned, but he didn't want to hear the words.

Kakashi saw him turn away. Something inside him snapped. There had to be a way to keep him. He remembered what he had said to his father, about being who Iruka knew he could be. He still wanted that.

Iruka stopped. He stared into the single grey eye. "You'll be a good Hokage." His voice was soft, sympathetic, like he knew exactly what Kakashi was thinking but there was no way to achieve it. "You'll love the village and you'll love the ninja that fight for it."

"I love you," Kakashi's voice was as controlled as ever.

"And now you'll love me as a subordinate," Iruka smiled at him like the words weren't hurting, "and I'll love you as my Hokage," he smiled to let him know he was okay.

Kakashi's hold slipped. Part of him knew Iruka was right. He watched the man walk away just seconds before being summoned.

The news of Tsunade's recovery was welcome. He was relieved to not have to take on such responsibilities. But in terms of their relationship things would stay where they left them.

War was coming, something he'd seen before. Distance would be the only thing keeping them alive and sane. Losing a friend was easier than losing a lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter.


	16. The Epilogue

"Oh, Kakashi-san," Iruka stood frozen in the hall of the Hokage tower. "Congratulations I suppose," he smiled shyly, "on being chosen to be the next Hokage."

Kaksahi's eyes drifted, watching other shinobi pass in the hall. "I'm glad I ran into you, sensei. Can we talk?"

Iruka was visibly torn. Kakashi could see the faintest hint of color on the teacher's cheeks, daring to hope, but his eyes were cautious, telling himself not to. "I don't think that'd be a good idea…"

"Purely professional," Kakashi promised.

They had seen each other only a few times since the war had ended. Iruka had been with the villagers to welcome back the returning shinobi. He watched as Naruto ran to him, to tell him everything that had happened. He stood in the background as Iruka expressed concern over the blond's injuries, namely his missing arm.

Their eyes met once in the commotion but it was brief.

After the funeral was held for the ones that didn't come back he thought he'd seek the teacher out.

_Kakashi waited outside the apartment knowing his knock wouldn't go unanswered. When the door opened brown eyes regarded him sadly._

_"Can I come in?"_

_Iruka seemed to debate the idea before sighing and stepping aside._

_The air was heavy between them, both unsure what to say._

_They stood in silence, thinking to themselves. Finally the chunin sighed. "This was a mistake, you should go, Kakashi."_

_Kakashi ignored him. He pulled Iruka close, slipping free of the black mask._

_Iruka didn't fight but he didn't kiss back either. "You should go."_

_Kakashi touched the tan face. He had been through so much and he wanted Iruka. Now more than ever, he wanted to be happy again._

_"You can't use me like before, Kakashi," Iruka's voice was hard, pained._

_Kakashi stepped back realizing Iruka was right. He was falling into an old habit. "I'm sorry." He backed towards the door. Iruka had known from the second he'd seen him at his door, but he still let him in. "Why'd you even let me in?"_

_"You've always looked good in black," Iruka mumbled out his answer before closing the door on the jonin._

"Alright," Iruka hesitantly agreed.

Kakashi opened a door to an empty office and they stepped inside.

The air instantly became awkward. Iruka's eyes avoided looking directly into Kakashi's face. "What is it, Kakashi?"

"I think Naruto's ready to advance to jonin," he shared.

Iruka seemed to falter, realizing this was actually a professional visit. "Oh."

"Would you be willing to help him prepare for the exam?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka looked off at one of the desks. "I don't know… I'm a chunin instructor he'd be studying advanced material."

"If anyone could handle the challenge I'm sure it would be you," Kakashi assured. He took a step towards him. This has been the longest he'd been alone with the other man in such a long time. He missed him.

Iruka sighed. "Of course I'll help Naruto." He looked up at the jonin, his body tense. He knew Kakashi was getting dangerously close but part of him wanted him to. "If that's it-"

"Of course that's not it," Kakashi said softly. "Iruka, I-"

"I miss you," Iruka blurted. He turned away, face turning pink. "Please... I can't do this." It had taken all his strength to reject Kakashi the first few times and it hurt more each time. Couldn't he just leave him alone?

"Iruka, I don't want to go back," Kakashi confessed. "We both know you're just being stubborn now," he smiled behind his mask.

Iruka's arms folded across his chest. "I am not. We both know there's perfectly good reason for-"

Kakashi just slid closer, the space between them was almost nonexistent. He hummed with mock amusement as if not hearing a single word, "good reasons yes."

"Kakashi, you're going to be the Hokage, for real this time, we can't-"

"I'm going to be the Hokage, I can do what I want," His hands slid expertly over Iruka's waist, pulling the defiant chunin closer, "and I want to do you."

"Pervert," Iruka mumbled under his breath, face turned away, in the most adorable shade of pink. Kakashi looked down, Iruka's arms were still folded but his lower half was forced into an embrace. He watched the stubborn arms fall to the chunin's sides and brown eyes looked up.

"Iruka," Kakashi's tone became serious. "I still love you, I never stopped."

"I know," Iruka's eyes fell sadly. His hands slid up the strong arms holding him. "I love you too, Kakashi."

"I don't know what kind of Hokage I'll be but I don't want to be the kind of man that turns away from love anymore," he shared. He had been forced to face a lot of his demons during his battle with Obito. He had realized his mistakes in life. How cold and distant he had been to people that only cared about him. He wouldn't do that again. "I need your help, Iruka. Keeping peace between the nations is going to be hard work, especially for me."

Iruka looked into the matching dark eyes. He was one of the few people to see Kakashi's whole face. He was used to the scar over his eye, but it was usually shut, keeping the sharingan inactive. It was strange to see it grey. "I'm sure you'll manage," he said reassuringly.

Kakashi remembered the conversation he had with his father in what had felt like a dream, but he knew it had been real. He had died that day with a lot of regrets. He didn't want that to happen again. "No," he let out a sigh, "We both know love isn't easy for me but it's what the world needs right now." He raised a hand to touch the side of the teacher's stunned and beautiful face. He wished he had the sharingan again to keep it locked in his memories. "I'll need you to teach me, sensei, like you did before."

Iruka moved closer, fingers finding the edge of the dark mask. "You'll be a good Hokage," the fabric moved down to Kakashi's chin. "You already love one ninja."

Their smiles melted against one another as lips finally touched. Kakashi's arms tightened around the chunin, resolving to never let him go and Iruka seemed perfectly okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story


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